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Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks
Posted By: Howie <g4howie@mac.com>Date: 1/7/03 8:23 p.m.

In Response To: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks (Red Loser)

umm just shut up halo wasn't destroyed by any nucleare device par say, just the reacor core of the PoA dumass get your facts straight
: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks

: A Knock-off of 50 Reasons Why LOTR Sucks

: 1. The perfect fuel

: Ever notice how the Warthog and Scorpion tank never run out of fuel? Don't
: you think that's rather odd? Apparently, Bungie Studios has discovered the
: secret to an eternal fuel source and isn't telling us .

: 2. Support for tyranny

: The UNSC Marines are portrayed as "good guys," despite the fact
: that they work for an organization with origins in today's United Nations
: , an evil worldwide dominion which interferes with the affairs of
: peace-loving states such as Iraq and North Korea.

: 3. Profiling I

: Captain Jacob Keyes eventually finds himself entrapped inside a giant Flood
: "blob." This is an obvious attempt to mock the former weight
: condition of Subway Diet champion Jared Fogle .

: 4. Profiling II

: The Covenant races are all stereotyped; for example, the Grunts are always
: short and cowardly, whereas the Hunters are always strong and stupid. Is
: this the kind of perspective of other races we want or kids to grow up
: with?

: 5. Profiling III

: UNSC Navy crewmen are all portrayed as " cowardly fools " in an
: obvious attempt to weaken US Navy morale.

: 6. You can't hug your children with nuclear arms

: A nuclear device is used to destroy Halo and save all life in the galaxy.
: This runs contrary to the fact that nuclear weapons are evil .

: 7. False advertising

: An advertisement for a colony ship is found on the level "Pillar of
: Autumn," yet Bungie Studios owns no such colony ship. To me, this
: smacks of fraud .

: 8. Phony Physics I

: The UNSC Pillar of Autumn is supposed to have a drive system capable of
: faster-than-light travel. Yet Einsten's theory of relativity proves that
: matter cannot travel faster than light .

: 9. Phony Physics II

: The Master Chief is somehow able to lift massive objects such as tanks.
: Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that he is some sort of
: superhero or cyborg .

: 10. Phony Physics III

: The Master Chief is able to see the outside world through his visor, yet we
: cannot see his face through his visor. What does he have to hide, and,
: most importantly, how is this possible?

: 11. Phony Physics IV

: Sir Isaac Newton showed that objects are gravitationally attracted to each
: other's centers of mass. The center of mass of Halo is in the center of
: the ring, yet the Master Chief is obviously attracted to the ring's
: surface when in fact he and the rest of the objects on the ring should
: float toward its center .

: 12. Phony Physics V

: When the Covenant Plasma Pistol is overcharged, it releases a bolt of plasma
: which homes in on its target. In fact, real glowing balls of plasma are
: not attracted to living tissue.

: 13. Phony Physics VI

: Throughout the game, the Master Chief is able to cross "light
: bridges" to reach his destinations. However, real light does not
: support matter in this way--the Chief should fall through these
: "bridges" to his death.

: 14. Phony Physics VII

: Often, weapons, corpses, and vehicles disappear for no reason at all. I guess
: Bungie Studios thinks it can creat a magical universe where objects
: vanish into thin air.

: 15. Irreverence

: When his comrades die, the Master Chief never takes time to bury or cremate
: them, thereby showing disrespect for the dead.

: 16. Don't touch that window!

: Neither the Master Chief nor his allies nor his opponents is ever injured by
: broken glass despite the fact that glass shards are extremely sharp and
: dangerous. Apparently Bungie Studios is in league with various Mexican
: window cartels in their downplay of the dangers of glass.

: 17. An Easier Way

: There are undoubtedly female Marines and Naval crew aboard the Pillar of
: Autumn. Why doesn't Captain Keyes use their seductive potential to
: neutralize the Covenant threat ŕ la Erin Brockovich ?

: 18. Homage or Theft? I

: The character of Cortana is similar to the AI named Durandal from the
: Marathon series. Can't Bungie come up with its own ideas instead of
: stealing those of others?

: 19. Homage or Theft? II

: The Flood is based on the voracious corporate conglomerate AOL Time Warner .

: 20. Homage or Theft? III

: The Elites' plasma sword was stolen from LucasArts' Star Wars Jedi Knight
: II: Jedi Outcast .

: 21. Homage or Theft? IV

: The doomed character of Captain Jacob Keyes is based on United States 2000
: Presidential nominee Alan Keyes .

: 22. Homage or Theft? V

: The short, scurrying Grunts are based on Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton
: .

: 23. Homage or Theft? VI

: 343 Guilty Spark's betrayal of the Master Chief was stolen from Cortana's
: betrayal of the Master Chief in Halo 2 .

: 24. Support of Eastern Religions

: Ever notice that if the Master Chief dies, he is able to start over in
: another life? This is an obvious allusion to the Hindu tenet of
: reincarnation .

: 25. The Grunts are Hindu too

: Sometimes when a Grunt finds he has a plasma grenade attached to his body, he
: will yell, "Not again!" Are we to believe that he has been
: killed by a plasma grenade in a previous life?

: 26. Rock and Roll All Night?

: Often, while the Master Chief is battling Covenant and Flood, ambient music
: will begin to play with no apparent source. I guess Bungie doesn't realize
: that in real life, music doesn't play out nowhere when dramatic things
: happen.

: 27. Leaving the Body

: Whenever the Master Chief enters a vehicle, he is suddenly able to see
: himself from outside his own body, apparently undergoing a near death
: experience every time he gets behind the wheel.

: 28. The Cutting Room Floor

: This game could have been improved by the inclusion of a Yellow Banshee .

: 29. Corporate Evil

: I have recently discovered that Bungie Studios is in fact a subsidiary of the
: Microsoft Corporation, also known as the Evil Empire and the Mauler of
: Fluffy Kittens .

: 30. It's Magic!

: Whenever the Master Chief steps on a clear object with a colored sphere
: inside of it, he somehow gains abilities such as an overshield and
: invisibility. Sorry, Bungie, but stepping on geometric shapes does not
: give you super powers .

: 31. What's in a Name? I

: The Truth and Reconciliation is an obvious racist jibe at "truth and
: reconciliation" committees formed to heal the scars of Apartheid in
: South Africa.

: 32. What's in a Name? II

: The Pillar of Autumn is in fact not a pillar at all but a space-faring
: vessel .

: 33. What's in a Name? III

: Halo is in fact not a halo at all but a giant hula hoop .

: 34. Shows How Much You Know

: They're called aliens , not Covies!

: 35. Quelle Coincidence

: The Grunts speak perfect English, which is highly unlikely considering the
: fact that they are not English at all .

: 36. Where Did He Go?

: When playing with two Master Chiefs in Co-op Mode, I found that one of them
: vanished whenever there was a cutscene. I ask you, who is in charge of
: quality control at Bungie?

: 37. Not Appropriate for Children

: One of the characters in Halo remains unclothed and uncensored throughout
: the game. Do we really want to expose our kids to nudity at an early age
: and thus lead them into a life of sexual perversion? Couldn't Bungie have
: at least put some underwear on 343 Guilty Spark ?

: 38. Funny-looking Beetles, Those...

: Seargent Johnson calls the Covenant "bugs," despite the fact that
: they do not even resemble insects.

: 39. Selective Stickiness

: The plasma grenade sticks easily to a person when it is thrown at him or her,
: yet it never sticks to the thrower's hand.

: 40. Shameless Promotion I

: Whenever the Chief is holding a gun in a cutscene, it is always the Assault
: Rifle. Does Bungie have some sort of underhanded contract with
: manufacturers of heavy firearms ?

: 41. Shameless Promotion II

: Captain Keyes is shown smoking a pipe during the level "Pillar of
: Autumn." Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that
: smoking a pipe is harmless so that we will fall into the deadly clutches
: of Big Tobacco and Big Marijuana .

: 42. Casting I

: Why couldn't the Master Chief have been played by N*Sync pop star Justin
: Timberlake ?

: 43. Casting II

: Why couldn't 343 Guilty Spark have been voiced by Gary Coleman ?

: 44. Casting III

: Why couldn't the nubile Cortana have been played by former US Attorney
: General Janet Reno ?

: 45. Casting IV

: Why couldn't one of the Marines have been voiced by Brian Morden ?

: 46. The Man with the Morphing Gun

: Start a game in Co-op Mode, and have one player watch the other switch
: weapons. Note that when the Master Chief switches weapons, his first gun
: simply morphs into another. Also note that real guns don't do this .

: 47. Out of Character

: The Covenant, which are supposed to be a ruthless league of alien races, also
: use purple vehicles, despite the fact that purple is for girls .

: 48. Salary Cap

: How is the Master Chief meant to be a realistic character? Wouldn't a real
: cyborg sign on to a professional sports team to earn big bucks?

: 49. That's Some Gene Therapy

: The AI Cortana modeled her physical appearance after that of the woman she
: was based on. Are we supposed to believe that Dr. Halsey constantly walked
: around naked, exposing her purple, binary-lined skin to the world?

: 50. Lack of Merchandising

: Where's my Grunt plushie, dagnabbit?

:

: The opinions expressed above are not necessarily those of the author. All is
: meant in jest and took forever to write.

Message Index



Replies:

50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 2:44 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksc0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:00 p.m.
           my biro pens, even *NM*c0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:03 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSir Jivealot 1/6/03 3:02 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 3:04 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksguy who doesn't post....too often 1/6/03 3:02 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:03 p.m.
           Uhm...err...Red Loser 1/6/03 3:08 p.m.
                 Re: Uhm...err...Hipboyscott 1/6/03 3:25 p.m.
                       Re: Uhm...err...Ross Mills 1/6/03 3:27 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksc0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:22 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:24 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:27 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:28 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:42 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:43 p.m.
                                   Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:46 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksThis Side Up 1/7/03 3:59 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckskidked 1/7/03 10:58 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckssilvos 1/9/03 12:11 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/6/03 3:59 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 4:03 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/6/03 4:09 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksLion 1/6/03 4:29 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 4:31 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 9:22 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksLion 1/8/03 5:20 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksAida-kun 1/8/03 1:03 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksDark Teno 1/6/03 8:38 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHeretic 1/6/03 10:48 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksOIK-OIK 1/7/03 2:47 a.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksPez 1/7/03 6:09 a.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksThe Grunt 1/7/03 6:42 a.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHaili 1/7/03 8:21 a.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 8:26 a.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSpartn119 1/7/03 3:19 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckskidked 1/7/03 11:35 p.m.
                             really a cyborg??Silencer 1/8/03 10:55 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksh3xEn 1/7/03 10:35 a.m.
           Hee hee!Red Loser 1/7/03 10:47 a.m.
                 Re: Hee hee!Louis Wu 1/7/03 11:24 a.m.
                 Re: Hee hee!I saw the light...and I shot it! 1/7/03 5:01 p.m.
           LOL. I expected 50 "It makes me want Halo 2" postsBarnolde 1/8/03 2:16 p.m.
                 Re: LOL. I expected 50 "It makes me want Halo 2" pSeawolf 1/8/03 9:21 p.m.
     stupid dumbassafreu 1/7/03 11:54 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksArmageddon 1/7/03 1:55 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 2:01 p.m.
           wort! *NM*•M 1/7/03 3:08 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 3:19 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks, all falseRevenge 1/7/03 3:10 p.m.
           metallurgy, or more specified:•M 1/7/03 3:17 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks, all falseKatana_701 1/7/03 4:22 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRevenge 1/7/03 3:16 p.m.
     50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks...yeah rightRed Loser sucks 1/7/03 3:16 p.m.
           Its just a joke, like a "ha ha" joke *NM*doometh 1/7/03 3:26 p.m.
     Some real thoughts on HaloBlam 1/7/03 3:33 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksdo 1/7/03 4:04 p.m.
           Re: *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 4:05 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksTarget4Hire 1/7/03 4:22 p.m.
           I found a mistakeJoe Moore 1/7/03 5:17 p.m.
                 Re: I found a mistakesKribbler 1/7/03 10:46 p.m.
     My Two Cents...MasterOmok 1/7/03 6:00 p.m.
           Re: This will only hurt for a second. *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 6:02 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksGene Pool Lifeguard 1/7/03 6:07 p.m.
           Re: Hope, I don't run out of tags *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 6:09 p.m.
     Gorgeously Entertaining! Thx! *NM*SR Omniscient 1/7/03 7:18 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksKORHAL 1/7/03 7:36 p.m.
           Re: Hm....this one's already been tagged... *NM*Postman 1/7/03 8:16 p.m.
                 Re: Hm....this one's already been tagged...Warbow 1/7/03 8:21 p.m.
           Re: Sigh..this one has already been tagged *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 8:18 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHowie 1/7/03 8:23 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSecond Hand Plasma 1/7/03 8:25 p.m.
           50 reasons why you suck.balinx 1/7/03 8:34 p.m.
     Indeed, you are an idiot....Fat Free-XS 1/7/03 10:00 p.m.
           wow...Mojo 1/7/03 10:18 p.m.
                 Re: wow...sKribbler 1/7/03 10:56 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksconker 1/7/03 10:21 p.m.
     Two Things...sKribbler 1/7/03 10:53 p.m.
           Re: Two Things...•M 1/8/03 6:13 a.m.
     Re: Take a look!Skeletor 1/8/03 2:44 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSilencer 1/8/03 11:08 a.m.
     Re: Elusive buggers!Warbow 1/9/03 9:11 a.m.
           Re: Elusive buggers!Louis Wu 1/9/03 9:18 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksPilottobombadier 1/9/03 11:26 a.m.
     Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Bob Knows All 1/9/03 5:42 p.m.
           Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Wado SG 1/9/03 6:06 p.m.
           Quick, Warbow, get 'im!! *NM* *NM*Target4Hire 1/9/03 8:11 p.m.
           Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Grunt§niper 1/9/03 10:03 p.m.
                 I don't like Halo at all.Red Loser 1/9/03 10:41 p.m.
                       Re: I don't like Halo at all.Wado SG 1/10/03 3:07 p.m.
                             Re: I don't like Halo at all.Red Loser 1/11/03 12:39 a.m.
                                   Re: I don't like Halo at all.Wado SG 1/11/03 2:07 a.m.
     Answer to #10POTF 1/9/03 10:52 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksMass Ssaratu 1/10/03 1:23 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksBrett 1/10/03 7:09 a.m.
           It was humor. Get it? *NM*g-money 1/10/03 10:14 a.m.
                 Joke? Whats a joke? *NM*Elan Sleazbagano 1/10/03 5:34 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksNukem560 1/11/03 11:08 p.m.
     Idiotalloffset 1/16/03 2:58 p.m.
           Re: Idioth4l0m4n 1/16/03 3:00 p.m.
           Re: IdiotHUNTR-KILLR 1/16/03 3:01 p.m.
           Re: IdiotDjof 1/16/03 3:06 p.m.
           Re: IdiotLennox 1/16/03 3:19 p.m.
           Re: IdiotScalrag 1/16/03 3:20 p.m.
           Re: IdiotRed Loser 1/16/03 3:34 p.m.
                 Re: IdiotLennox 1/16/03 3:37 p.m.
                       Re: IdiotRed Loser 1/16/03 3:54 p.m.
           Re: TrollPostman 1/16/03 4:04 p.m.
                 Re: Too tired....Warbow 1/16/03 4:09 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksAndrew Nagy 1/17/03 7:27 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksCount Zero 1/17/03 11:13 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/18/03 3:04 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHikaru-119 1/17/03 7:31 p.m.
           *looks around for warbow*oddworld18 1/17/03 7:37 p.m.
                 Re: *looks around for warbow*Vengeful Sniper 1/17/03 8:01 p.m.
                       *click* *NM*oddworld18 1/17/03 8:03 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksShishka 1/17/03 8:11 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksMillie 1/17/03 8:27 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksbob dole 1/17/03 10:54 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/17/03 11:17 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/18/03 12:01 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHikaru-119 1/19/03 4:55 p.m.



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