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stupid dumbass
Posted By: afreu <ifou@hotmail.com>Date: 1/7/03 11:54 a.m.

In Response To: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks (Red Loser)

: common, cant you use ur IMAGINATION sometimes or are u a kind of perfectist or ar u a robot?
50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks

: A Knock-off of 50 Reasons Why LOTR Sucks

: 1. The perfect fuel

: Ever notice how the Warthog and Scorpion tank never run out of fuel? Don't
: you think that's rather odd? Apparently, Bungie Studios has discovered the
: secret to an eternal fuel source and isn't telling us .

: 2. Support for tyranny

: The UNSC Marines are portrayed as "good guys," despite the fact
: that they work for an organization with origins in today's United Nations
: , an evil worldwide dominion which interferes with the affairs of
: peace-loving states such as Iraq and North Korea.

: 3. Profiling I

: Captain Jacob Keyes eventually finds himself entrapped inside a giant Flood
: "blob." This is an obvious attempt to mock the former weight
: condition of Subway Diet champion Jared Fogle .

: 4. Profiling II

: The Covenant races are all stereotyped; for example, the Grunts are always
: short and cowardly, whereas the Hunters are always strong and stupid. Is
: this the kind of perspective of other races we want or kids to grow up
: with?

: 5. Profiling III

: UNSC Navy crewmen are all portrayed as " cowardly fools " in an
: obvious attempt to weaken US Navy morale.

: 6. You can't hug your children with nuclear arms

: A nuclear device is used to destroy Halo and save all life in the galaxy.
: This runs contrary to the fact that nuclear weapons are evil .

: 7. False advertising

: An advertisement for a colony ship is found on the level "Pillar of
: Autumn," yet Bungie Studios owns no such colony ship. To me, this
: smacks of fraud .

: 8. Phony Physics I

: The UNSC Pillar of Autumn is supposed to have a drive system capable of
: faster-than-light travel. Yet Einsten's theory of relativity proves that
: matter cannot travel faster than light .

: 9. Phony Physics II

: The Master Chief is somehow able to lift massive objects such as tanks.
: Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that he is some sort of
: superhero or cyborg .

: 10. Phony Physics III

: The Master Chief is able to see the outside world through his visor, yet we
: cannot see his face through his visor. What does he have to hide, and,
: most importantly, how is this possible?

: 11. Phony Physics IV

: Sir Isaac Newton showed that objects are gravitationally attracted to each
: other's centers of mass. The center of mass of Halo is in the center of
: the ring, yet the Master Chief is obviously attracted to the ring's
: surface when in fact he and the rest of the objects on the ring should
: float toward its center .

: 12. Phony Physics V

: When the Covenant Plasma Pistol is overcharged, it releases a bolt of plasma
: which homes in on its target. In fact, real glowing balls of plasma are
: not attracted to living tissue.

: 13. Phony Physics VI

: Throughout the game, the Master Chief is able to cross "light
: bridges" to reach his destinations. However, real light does not
: support matter in this way--the Chief should fall through these
: "bridges" to his death.

: 14. Phony Physics VII

: Often, weapons, corpses, and vehicles disappear for no reason at all. I guess
: Bungie Studios thinks it can creat a magical universe where objects
: vanish into thin air.

: 15. Irreverence

: When his comrades die, the Master Chief never takes time to bury or cremate
: them, thereby showing disrespect for the dead.

: 16. Don't touch that window!

: Neither the Master Chief nor his allies nor his opponents is ever injured by
: broken glass despite the fact that glass shards are extremely sharp and
: dangerous. Apparently Bungie Studios is in league with various Mexican
: window cartels in their downplay of the dangers of glass.

: 17. An Easier Way

: There are undoubtedly female Marines and Naval crew aboard the Pillar of
: Autumn. Why doesn't Captain Keyes use their seductive potential to
: neutralize the Covenant threat ŕ la Erin Brockovich ?

: 18. Homage or Theft? I

: The character of Cortana is similar to the AI named Durandal from the
: Marathon series. Can't Bungie come up with its own ideas instead of
: stealing those of others?

: 19. Homage or Theft? II

: The Flood is based on the voracious corporate conglomerate AOL Time Warner .

: 20. Homage or Theft? III

: The Elites' plasma sword was stolen from LucasArts' Star Wars Jedi Knight
: II: Jedi Outcast .

: 21. Homage or Theft? IV

: The doomed character of Captain Jacob Keyes is based on United States 2000
: Presidential nominee Alan Keyes .

: 22. Homage or Theft? V

: The short, scurrying Grunts are based on Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton
: .

: 23. Homage or Theft? VI

: 343 Guilty Spark's betrayal of the Master Chief was stolen from Cortana's
: betrayal of the Master Chief in Halo 2 .

: 24. Support of Eastern Religions

: Ever notice that if the Master Chief dies, he is able to start over in
: another life? This is an obvious allusion to the Hindu tenet of
: reincarnation .

: 25. The Grunts are Hindu too

: Sometimes when a Grunt finds he has a plasma grenade attached to his body, he
: will yell, "Not again!" Are we to believe that he has been
: killed by a plasma grenade in a previous life?

: 26. Rock and Roll All Night?

: Often, while the Master Chief is battling Covenant and Flood, ambient music
: will begin to play with no apparent source. I guess Bungie doesn't realize
: that in real life, music doesn't play out nowhere when dramatic things
: happen.

: 27. Leaving the Body

: Whenever the Master Chief enters a vehicle, he is suddenly able to see
: himself from outside his own body, apparently undergoing a near death
: experience every time he gets behind the wheel.

: 28. The Cutting Room Floor

: This game could have been improved by the inclusion of a Yellow Banshee .

: 29. Corporate Evil

: I have recently discovered that Bungie Studios is in fact a subsidiary of the
: Microsoft Corporation, also known as the Evil Empire and the Mauler of
: Fluffy Kittens .

: 30. It's Magic!

: Whenever the Master Chief steps on a clear object with a colored sphere
: inside of it, he somehow gains abilities such as an overshield and
: invisibility. Sorry, Bungie, but stepping on geometric shapes does not
: give you super powers .

: 31. What's in a Name? I

: The Truth and Reconciliation is an obvious racist jibe at "truth and
: reconciliation" committees formed to heal the scars of Apartheid in
: South Africa.

: 32. What's in a Name? II

: The Pillar of Autumn is in fact not a pillar at all but a space-faring
: vessel .

: 33. What's in a Name? III

: Halo is in fact not a halo at all but a giant hula hoop .

: 34. Shows How Much You Know

: They're called aliens , not Covies!

: 35. Quelle Coincidence

: The Grunts speak perfect English, which is highly unlikely considering the
: fact that they are not English at all .

: 36. Where Did He Go?

: When playing with two Master Chiefs in Co-op Mode, I found that one of them
: vanished whenever there was a cutscene. I ask you, who is in charge of
: quality control at Bungie?

: 37. Not Appropriate for Children

: One of the characters in Halo remains unclothed and uncensored throughout
: the game. Do we really want to expose our kids to nudity at an early age
: and thus lead them into a life of sexual perversion? Couldn't Bungie have
: at least put some underwear on 343 Guilty Spark ?

: 38. Funny-looking Beetles, Those...

: Seargent Johnson calls the Covenant "bugs," despite the fact that
: they do not even resemble insects.

: 39. Selective Stickiness

: The plasma grenade sticks easily to a person when it is thrown at him or her,
: yet it never sticks to the thrower's hand.

: 40. Shameless Promotion I

: Whenever the Chief is holding a gun in a cutscene, it is always the Assault
: Rifle. Does Bungie have some sort of underhanded contract with
: manufacturers of heavy firearms ?

: 41. Shameless Promotion II

: Captain Keyes is shown smoking a pipe during the level "Pillar of
: Autumn." Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that
: smoking a pipe is harmless so that we will fall into the deadly clutches
: of Big Tobacco and Big Marijuana .

: 42. Casting I

: Why couldn't the Master Chief have been played by N*Sync pop star Justin
: Timberlake ?

: 43. Casting II

: Why couldn't 343 Guilty Spark have been voiced by Gary Coleman ?

: 44. Casting III

: Why couldn't the nubile Cortana have been played by former US Attorney
: General Janet Reno ?

: 45. Casting IV

: Why couldn't one of the Marines have been voiced by Brian Morden ?

: 46. The Man with the Morphing Gun

: Start a game in Co-op Mode, and have one player watch the other switch
: weapons. Note that when the Master Chief switches weapons, his first gun
: simply morphs into another. Also note that real guns don't do this .

: 47. Out of Character

: The Covenant, which are supposed to be a ruthless league of alien races, also
: use purple vehicles, despite the fact that purple is for girls .

: 48. Salary Cap

: How is the Master Chief meant to be a realistic character? Wouldn't a real
: cyborg sign on to a professional sports team to earn big bucks?

: 49. That's Some Gene Therapy

: The AI Cortana modeled her physical appearance after that of the woman she
: was based on. Are we supposed to believe that Dr. Halsey constantly walked
: around naked, exposing her purple, binary-lined skin to the world?

: 50. Lack of Merchandising

: Where's my Grunt plushie, dagnabbit?

:

: The opinions expressed above are not necessarily those of the author. All is
: meant in jest and took forever to write.

Message Index



Replies:

50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 2:44 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksc0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:00 p.m.
           my biro pens, even *NM*c0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:03 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSir Jivealot 1/6/03 3:02 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 3:04 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksguy who doesn't post....too often 1/6/03 3:02 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:03 p.m.
           Uhm...err...Red Loser 1/6/03 3:08 p.m.
                 Re: Uhm...err...Hipboyscott 1/6/03 3:25 p.m.
                       Re: Uhm...err...Ross Mills 1/6/03 3:27 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksc0ld vengeance 1/6/03 3:22 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:24 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:27 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:28 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:42 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 3:43 p.m.
                                   Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHipboyscott 1/6/03 3:46 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksThis Side Up 1/7/03 3:59 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckskidked 1/7/03 10:58 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckssilvos 1/9/03 12:11 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/6/03 3:59 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 4:03 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/6/03 4:09 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksLion 1/6/03 4:29 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRoss Mills 1/6/03 4:31 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/6/03 9:22 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksLion 1/8/03 5:20 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksAida-kun 1/8/03 1:03 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksDark Teno 1/6/03 8:38 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHeretic 1/6/03 10:48 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksOIK-OIK 1/7/03 2:47 a.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksPez 1/7/03 6:09 a.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksThe Grunt 1/7/03 6:42 a.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHaili 1/7/03 8:21 a.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 8:26 a.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSpartn119 1/7/03 3:19 p.m.
                             Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Suckskidked 1/7/03 11:35 p.m.
                             really a cyborg??Silencer 1/8/03 10:55 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksh3xEn 1/7/03 10:35 a.m.
           Hee hee!Red Loser 1/7/03 10:47 a.m.
                 Re: Hee hee!Louis Wu 1/7/03 11:24 a.m.
                 Re: Hee hee!I saw the light...and I shot it! 1/7/03 5:01 p.m.
           LOL. I expected 50 "It makes me want Halo 2" postsBarnolde 1/8/03 2:16 p.m.
                 Re: LOL. I expected 50 "It makes me want Halo 2" pSeawolf 1/8/03 9:21 p.m.
     stupid dumbassafreu 1/7/03 11:54 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksArmageddon 1/7/03 1:55 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 2:01 p.m.
           wort! *NM*•M 1/7/03 3:08 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksWarbow 1/7/03 3:19 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks, all falseRevenge 1/7/03 3:10 p.m.
           metallurgy, or more specified:•M 1/7/03 3:17 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks, all falseKatana_701 1/7/03 4:22 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRevenge 1/7/03 3:16 p.m.
     50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks...yeah rightRed Loser sucks 1/7/03 3:16 p.m.
           Its just a joke, like a "ha ha" joke *NM*doometh 1/7/03 3:26 p.m.
     Some real thoughts on HaloBlam 1/7/03 3:33 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksdo 1/7/03 4:04 p.m.
           Re: *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 4:05 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksTarget4Hire 1/7/03 4:22 p.m.
           I found a mistakeJoe Moore 1/7/03 5:17 p.m.
                 Re: I found a mistakesKribbler 1/7/03 10:46 p.m.
     My Two Cents...MasterOmok 1/7/03 6:00 p.m.
           Re: This will only hurt for a second. *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 6:02 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksGene Pool Lifeguard 1/7/03 6:07 p.m.
           Re: Hope, I don't run out of tags *CLICK* *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 6:09 p.m.
     Gorgeously Entertaining! Thx! *NM*SR Omniscient 1/7/03 7:18 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksKORHAL 1/7/03 7:36 p.m.
           Re: Hm....this one's already been tagged... *NM*Postman 1/7/03 8:16 p.m.
                 Re: Hm....this one's already been tagged...Warbow 1/7/03 8:21 p.m.
           Re: Sigh..this one has already been tagged *NM*Warbow 1/7/03 8:18 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHowie 1/7/03 8:23 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSecond Hand Plasma 1/7/03 8:25 p.m.
           50 reasons why you suck.balinx 1/7/03 8:34 p.m.
     Indeed, you are an idiot....Fat Free-XS 1/7/03 10:00 p.m.
           wow...Mojo 1/7/03 10:18 p.m.
                 Re: wow...sKribbler 1/7/03 10:56 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksconker 1/7/03 10:21 p.m.
     Two Things...sKribbler 1/7/03 10:53 p.m.
           Re: Two Things...•M 1/8/03 6:13 a.m.
     Re: Take a look!Skeletor 1/8/03 2:44 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksSilencer 1/8/03 11:08 a.m.
     Re: Elusive buggers!Warbow 1/9/03 9:11 a.m.
           Re: Elusive buggers!Louis Wu 1/9/03 9:18 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksPilottobombadier 1/9/03 11:26 a.m.
     Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Bob Knows All 1/9/03 5:42 p.m.
           Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Wado SG 1/9/03 6:06 p.m.
           Quick, Warbow, get 'im!! *NM* *NM*Target4Hire 1/9/03 8:11 p.m.
           Re: A Few Reasons Why This Whole Site Is Stupid!Grunt§niper 1/9/03 10:03 p.m.
                 I don't like Halo at all.Red Loser 1/9/03 10:41 p.m.
                       Re: I don't like Halo at all.Wado SG 1/10/03 3:07 p.m.
                             Re: I don't like Halo at all.Red Loser 1/11/03 12:39 a.m.
                                   Re: I don't like Halo at all.Wado SG 1/11/03 2:07 a.m.
     Answer to #10POTF 1/9/03 10:52 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksMass Ssaratu 1/10/03 1:23 a.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksBrett 1/10/03 7:09 a.m.
           It was humor. Get it? *NM*g-money 1/10/03 10:14 a.m.
                 Joke? Whats a joke? *NM*Elan Sleazbagano 1/10/03 5:34 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksNukem560 1/11/03 11:08 p.m.
     Idiotalloffset 1/16/03 2:58 p.m.
           Re: Idioth4l0m4n 1/16/03 3:00 p.m.
           Re: IdiotHUNTR-KILLR 1/16/03 3:01 p.m.
           Re: IdiotDjof 1/16/03 3:06 p.m.
           Re: IdiotLennox 1/16/03 3:19 p.m.
           Re: IdiotScalrag 1/16/03 3:20 p.m.
           Re: IdiotRed Loser 1/16/03 3:34 p.m.
                 Re: IdiotLennox 1/16/03 3:37 p.m.
                       Re: IdiotRed Loser 1/16/03 3:54 p.m.
           Re: TrollPostman 1/16/03 4:04 p.m.
                 Re: Too tired....Warbow 1/16/03 4:09 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksAndrew Nagy 1/17/03 7:27 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksCount Zero 1/17/03 11:13 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/18/03 3:04 p.m.
     Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHikaru-119 1/17/03 7:31 p.m.
           *looks around for warbow*oddworld18 1/17/03 7:37 p.m.
                 Re: *looks around for warbow*Vengeful Sniper 1/17/03 8:01 p.m.
                       *click* *NM*oddworld18 1/17/03 8:03 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksShishka 1/17/03 8:11 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksMillie 1/17/03 8:27 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksbob dole 1/17/03 10:54 p.m.
                       Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo Sucksoddworld18 1/17/03 11:17 p.m.
           Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksRed Loser 1/18/03 12:01 p.m.
                 Re: 50 Reasons Why Halo SucksHikaru-119 1/19/03 4:55 p.m.



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