It was actually really good for your first Machinima. Really creative. I would like to see you tweak your video quality a bit though, it seems slightly fuzzy, but that's more then likely just YouTube's doing. And as stated before, your p's exploded a lot. Try to get a cover for your mic, so that your p's don't explode so much. Also, try to eliminate as much background noise as you can when voice acting, that way it flows better with the video instead of hearing this awkward buzzing noise.
Good job. :]
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