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| Maybe I can help. | |
| Posted By: Red Loser <dnannery@purdue.edu> | Date: 3/10/03 1:42 p.m. |
In Response To: Can we get some old halo info please? :P (Agntneo) : I would like to get some old halo info. Maybe some info on the debug version
: Mail me :D Hello, ag...agnut...agnet...nevermind. I have here some tasty information which will surely cake your palates in sugary goodness. The History of Halo: Combat EvolvedBungie fans first received wind of Halo in 1999. At the time, Bungie was a small tractor supply co-op located in Nickerson, Kansas; however, the local hayseeds decided to get with the times and start producing breakfast cereal. After several months in development and three changes in codenames (from Blam to pantdress to punchbuggy), the farmers decided to scrap the breakfast cereal project and instead transform Halo into a computer game. They hired a few computer nerds from the local high school and set to work. However, it turned out that the "nerds" were in fact scam artists, and the "high school" was in fact the county jail. Because of these difficulties, the farmers were forced to sell their families to local loansharks to keep the business running. Fortunately, Microsoft came along in 2000. Knowing a future-minded company when they saw one, Microsoft chose to buy out Bungie for the price of $700 and two dozen goats. The farmers returned to their fields, but soon after disappeared. By coincidence, their property was burned and razed several times over, their fields were salted, and the mysterious words "j00 s3ll0uz7!!1 M$ 5uxX0rz!!!11" were emblazoned across the house in fiery mauve paint. Anyway, Microsoft rounded up a large number of employees to man its new Xbox developer. Some questioned the decision to hire new employees from strip clubs and the dumpsters behind McDonald's, but that decision soon proved to be a wise one--most of these homeless bums were in fact dropouts from the School of Liberal Arts of Ball State University. Thus, they were used to slapping together mediocre projects at the last minute under stressful conditions while still finding enough times to destroy their few remaining brain cells through weekend beer consumption. I say this because, by that time, it was April 2001, and the Xbox was to be released in seven months. Meanwhile, not a whit of work had been done on Halo. Fortunately, Bill Gates took the time to come in and personally motivate the team. Brandishing a cat-o'-nine-tails, he quickly got the Bungie team to work. They created a website (http://www.majime3.com/) and immediately began work programming Halo. With the help of their good friend cocaine, these people were able to work 22-hour days from May through October, after which they promptly died from overdoses of roast beef. By this time, the Halo project was 80% finished, so Microsoft hired (at an exorbitant fee) the Math Ninjas to come and finish the rest. The Ninjas did so in a record 8.39700657 seconds, and Halo was ready for release. One last obstacle to overcome was getting it on to DVD-ROMs. The alley bums had used hole-punch cards because of a lack of cerebral processing power on the Bungie team; the Ninjas had simply continued their work using this medium. However, Microsoft needed to convert five tons' worth of punch cards into digital data in only three days. Fortunately, Benjamin Franklin arrived in a time machine which he co-invented with Elvis and John F. Kennedy. Accepting a payment of fifty bushels of pelican beaks from Microsoft, these three men traveled forward in time to grab the Halo disks from Best Buy. Unfortunately, Elvis was captured and burned at the stake by the army of the Federation of Virginia. It was then that Ben Franklin and JFK realized that they had traveled too far forward in time, so they went back to the date of March 9, 2003. I met them in the store yesterday and bought Halo for them in return for a shiny silver dollar. They thanked me, traveled back in time, and gave the disk to Bill Gates. Bill Gates rushed down to the Marketing department and slam-dunked the disk into the mailbox in glee. Production of Halo DVD-ROMs began two days later. And that, my friends, is the history of Halo: Combat Evolved. | |
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| Replies: |
| Can we get some old halo info please? :P | Agntneo | 3/10/03 1:02 p.m. |
| Re: Can we get some old halo info please? :P | Shishka | 3/10/03 1:08 p.m. |
| Re: Can we get some old halo info please? :P | Agntneo | 3/10/03 1:39 p.m. |
| Re: Can we get some old halo info please? :P | Shishka | 3/10/03 2:42 p.m. |
| Maybe I can help. | Red Loser | 3/10/03 1:42 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | Louis Wu | 3/10/03 1:47 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | Red Loser | 3/10/03 1:52 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | poena.dare #CP# >BS< | 3/10/03 1:57 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | KP | 3/10/03 2:05 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | Gunslinger | 3/10/03 1:58 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | kiro69 | 3/10/03 2:04 p.m. |
| Re: Maybe I can help. | Red Loser | 3/10/03 2:23 p.m. |
| No Offense, But... | Pallor [subnova] | 3/10/03 2:39 p.m. |
| Re: Can we get some old halo info please? :P | BOLL | 3/10/03 3:46 p.m. |
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