In Response To: Maybe I can help. (Red Loser)
Dude thats fucked up
: I have here some tasty information which will surely cake your palates in
: sugary goodness.
: The History of Halo: Combat Evolved
: Bungie fans first received wind of Halo in 1999. At the time, Bungie was a
: small tractor supply co-op located in Nickerson, Kansas; however, the
: local hayseeds decided to get with the times and start producing breakfast
: cereal.
: After several months in development and three changes in codenames (from
: Blam to pantdress to punchbuggy ), the farmers decided to scrap the
: breakfast cereal project and instead transform Halo into a computer game.
: They hired a few computer nerds from the local high school and set to
: work. However, it turned out that the "nerds" were in fact scam
: artists, and the "high school" was in fact the county jail.
: Because of these difficulties, the farmers were forced to sell their
: families to local loansharks to keep the business running.
: Fortunately, Microsoft came along in 2000. Knowing a future-minded company
: when they saw one, Microsoft chose to buy out Bungie for the price of $700
: and two dozen goats. The farmers returned to their fields, but soon after
: disappeared. By coincidence, their property was burned and razed several
: times over, their fields were salted, and the mysterious words "j00
: s3ll0uz7!!1 M$ 5uxX0rz!!!11" were emblazoned across the house in
: fiery mauve paint.
: Anyway, Microsoft rounded up a large number of employees to man its new Xbox
: developer. Some questioned the decision to hire new employees from strip
: clubs and the dumpsters behind McDonald's, but that decision soon proved
: to be a wise one--most of these homeless bums were in fact dropouts from
: the School of Liberal Arts of Ball State University. Thus, they were used
: to slapping together mediocre projects at the last minute under stressful
: conditions while still finding enough times to destroy their few remaining
: brain cells through weekend beer consumption. I say this because, by that
: time, it was April 2001, and the Xbox was to be released in seven months.
: Meanwhile, not a whit of work had been done on Halo.
: Fortunately, Bill Gates took the time to come in and personally motivate the
: team. Brandishing a cat-o'-nine-tails, he quickly got the Bungie team to
: work. They created a website (http://www.majime3.com/) and immediately
: began work programming Halo. With the help of their good friend cocaine,
: these people were able to work 22-hour days from May through October,
: after which they promptly died from overdoses of roast beef. By this time,
: the Halo project was 80% finished, so Microsoft hired (at an exorbitant
: fee) the Math Ninjas to come and finish the rest. The Ninjas did so in a
: record 8.39700657 seconds, and Halo was ready for release.
: One last obstacle to overcome was getting it on to DVD-ROMs. The alley bums
: had used hole-punch cards because of a lack of cerebral processing power
: on the Bungie team; the Ninjas had simply continued their work using this
: medium. However, Microsoft needed to convert five tons' worth of punch
: cards into digital data in only three days. Fortunately, Benjamin Franklin
: arrived in a time machine which he co-invented with Elvis and John F.
: Kennedy. Accepting a payment of fifty bushels of pelican beaks from
: Microsoft, these three men traveled forward in time to grab the Halo disks
: from Best Buy. Unfortunately, Elvis was captured and burned at the stake
: by the army of the Federation of Virginia. It was then that Ben Franklin
: and JFK realized that they had traveled too far forward in time, so they
: went back to the date of March 9, 2003. I met them in the store yesterday
: and bought Halo for them in return for a shiny silver dollar. They thanked
: me, traveled back in time, and gave the disk to Bill Gates. Bill Gates
: rushed down to the Marketing department and slam-dunked the disk into the
: mailbox in glee. Production of Halo DVD-ROMs began two days later.
: And that, my friends, is the history of Halo: Combat Evolved .
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