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Story Time!!
Posted By: HotIcePhoenix <zsabretooth@gmail.com>Date: 12/24/11 1:59 p.m.

In Response To: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion Thread (JDQuackers)


Whoever my Santa is writes, and writes WELL.

I know you said that you couldn't do much humor in the story, BUT, its so ridiculously UNLIKE ME, that its absolutely HYSTERICAL. It's like something I would dream, cause I'm totally not that badass when I play Halo. I usually die the most and need to be constantly saved. To be in the spotlight like that is AMAZING.

And Hyokin... I cried for you. A little. On the inside. Then I drank a Coke for you.

My Present: (Its a big read, and you better read it all! No tl;dr's!!)

Crystal,
I won't lie to you and say I had even the faintest idea of what to make for your secret santa gift. I struggled with this for a while, before finally deciding that the best thing to do might just be to play on my skills, which unfortunately doesn't encompass comedy, something which I definitely feel you would have preferred more and which I would have loved to write for you if I had the capabilities. Either way, I'd like to present the following story. I hope you at least find some entertainment in reading it.

- Santa (mad props if you can guess who)

For further information, please visit crystalshalostoryisnotcanon.net

"Did you catch the latest rerun of Samurai Fronk?"
Crystal looked up from her drink, a dark blue concoction of particular potency which the owner of Club Errera had called the Toothless. A spark of excitement crept into her eyes as she looked up at the man standing over her table.
"Come on Phoenix, one more time... just for clarity."
The phrase had been uttered to her many times before by this same man, each time resulting in a different contract with a different prize. The first resulted in the earning of her nickname, Sabre, due to a particularly humorous incident involving an improvised escape utilizing their target's prize fencing equipment. Another rather exciting contract had required the usage of a baggage cart and two other teammates, a rather difficult heist to complete right under the noses of the invading Covenant forces.
Phoenix laughed.
"You heard me. I said did you catch the latest rerun of Samurai Fronk. We're in for something quite different this time Sabre."
Crystal took one last swig of the Toothless, allowed the glass to sink back to its place at the table, and slowly stood up. She placed her ident card on the table until the chime sounded, then motioned for Phoenix to follow her.
"Details?
"This isn't from one of our usual clients Crystal. Things are big this time, and I mean BIG."
As they exited the luminescent confines of Club Errera, a bitter wind pelted them with stinging droplets of water. Crystal shrugged off the discomfort, while Phoenix took a moment to bundle in the warmer clothing he had arrived in.
As Crystal walked ahead of him, she yelled back "Just spit it out."
He ran to catch up with her. "Snatch-and-grab operation. Our clients wanted the best of the best. And when I said big Crystal, I meant ONI big."
Crystal stopped at the landing pad, her hand on the door of the archaic helicopter, her eccentric choice of transportation around New Alexandria. She didn't turn to face him.
"ONI?"
"ONI."
She climbed into the helicopter and strapped herself in.
"Meet me at my apartment in an hour. We'll discuss it then." She leaned forward and keyed in the security code for her AI Pete (who, strangely among AIs had taken on an avian avatar, versus a human figure) signaling him to take off. As the rotors spun up, Phoenix threw in "How's Chloe?"
"Recovering" Crystal responded. "I knew it was a mistake to let her behind the wheel of old Avalanche here. Ironically, the reconstructors work faster than the med techs. She'll be in the hospital for a few more weeks. How's the sister?"
"She's my girlfriend and you know it." He stopped, his face contorted as the wind whipped his hair across his face. "Well, actually... not any more. Turns out she was tired of being constantly confused for my kin. She left me a week ago."
They were now yelling over the whine of the rotors.
"I'm sorry to hear that!" She was not sorry.
"Don't worry about it. Meet you in an hour!" He tapped his watch and hurried off. Crystal smiled as Avalanche whisked her away.

"So, I thought we made an agreement never to get involved in this political stuff? Something about it making our dealings with the Insurrectionists strained."
Phoenix looked up from his drink, "We did but... well, things changed."
"Oh yeah? And what is it, exactly, that's changed?"
"Hyokin has intercepted a transmission, one of the most heavily encoded he's ever dealt with. He's been working on it for weeks, but he finally cracked it a few days before ONI contracted us. Something big's about to happen."
"How big?"
"I already told you ONI big... but I suppose I'd have to say 'Covenant' big as well."
She leaned forward. "What was in the intercepted transmission?"
"Something about an Operation Red Flag. Spartans. Crystal... they're intentionally luring the Covenant here."
"They openly transmitted a communication like that?"
"Of course not. Like I said, it was heavily encrypted, and even obtaining it was a monumental procedure in itself. If we hadn't been tipped off by our informant within ONI, come a month's time we'll be burning alongside all the rest."
"What's the gig?"
"Snatch up what they've labeled a 'Tier One asset'. Engineer, one of the rarer of the various Covenant species. Apparently a real commodity with HighCom."
"Huh, never heard of em."
"They've got a particular one stationed aboard an individual ship tagged, something about a connection with the first contact engagements. They believe it contains genetic information critical to the inner workings of the Covenant, as well as detailed analyses of the T-25 RAV the Jiralhanae are so fond of using."
"Phoenix, you know I don't care for all that technical jargon."
"Uh... the Brute Chopper."
"You have the info?"
"Yeah, got it right here." He reached into his pack, pulled out his data pad, and handed it to Crystal.
She began to skim through data at a lightning pace. Before he knew it, she was pulling up data on the Covenant ship they would be boarding. He stared at her quietly, pondering the inner workings of her mind. He attempted to see past the beautifully executed guise that was her face, but upon gazing into her eyes, he began to fear what he might find there, and withdrew instead.
After many more minutes of waiting he ventured another look and saw that her eyes no longer expressed the same look. Instead, the look had been replaced by one of complete excitement. They were wide, and flicking through information rapidly as she unknowingly bit her nail. After another minute, she abruptly flipped the data pad around and handed it to him.
"I'm in."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I thought this political stuff wasn't your thing?"
"It's not. I found something better. ONI can keep its pay, on the condition that I can recover one particular artifact from the Covenant ship. Make it happen."
"Um... okay. I'll do what I can."
"Call Hyokin, tell him to meet us at the spaceport."

A loud rapport sounded in the luminescent confines of the enemy ship, making Crystal's ears ring viciously for a minute.
"Well, so much for our cover." she said "Come on!"
Crystal sprinted down the alien hallway, Phoenix immediately behind her, weapons draw. As they ran, the sound of plasma fire came from around the corner. Crystal readied her M6, and snapped it downrange as she whirled around the corner. A Covenant Elite stood over Hyokin's now lifeless corpse, roaring in triumph. Hyokin had been the team's scout and sniper, leaving him stuck with a long range weapon in the cramped confines of an enemy ship. She felt for him. Then she realized that the Elite's armor was sparking and saw that his one spent round had hit home. In the blink of an eye, she targeted the Elite's head and pulled the trigger. Phoenix rounded the corner, weapon at the ready.
"Already taken care of" she said.
Crystal walked up to search the Elite's dead body, while Phoenix closed Hyokin's eyes.
"Damn it!" she yelled, kicking the Elite's corpse.
"What?" Phoenix asked, slightly offended by her disrespect for Hyokin's sacrifice.
"It's not here."
"What isn't?"
"My pay." She walked on without another word.
They were now in one of the ship's engineering corridors. Phoenix was in the lead this time, his M7 submachine gun at the ready. He cleared corner after corner, getting into the rhythm of scanning for targets and giving the all clear. It was because of this that he almost missed the Engineer.
It was floating three meters off the floor, its tentacles hanging down and blending in naturally with the wiring in the corridor, down to the semi-luminescent glow of its skin. Crystal was faster than Phoenix, and had the Engineer pinned to the wall in seconds. The data pad was in her hand, and she was holding it up so that the Engineer could see the image displayed on it.
"Where is this?!" She demanded. The Engineer didn't answer, only continued to shake and make terrified cooing noises. She rolled her eyes, unsympathetic, and demanded again.
"Hey Sabre, maybe you oughtta give it a rest. What is this thing you're after anyway?"
She remained silent, continuing to glare at the Engineer, unmoving. It stared back for a while and then, it stopped shaking. It reached out and grasped the data pad, touching a few buttons with its cilia, rotating the image displayed on the screen. Finally, after a minute of fiddling with the device, the Engineer returned it to her. It was now displaying a map of the ship, as well as the location of the object she was searching for.
"Thanks." She said, hugged the Engineer awkwardly and walked off.
"Woah, wait a minute. Crystal!"
She stopped and looked at him. He said "What about the asset?"
"Get it out of here, I'll be good. See you back at the apartment."
"Wait, I can't just let you walk into an enemy ship armed only with a sidearm."
She turned back to him as he ran to catch up, drew her sidearm, and pointed it at him. "No?" she asked.
"Crystal..."
"Look, I'm going to get my pay, whether I have to go through you to get it or not."
"Hey now, let's not get carried away here. If dying on this ship is that important to you, I'll let you do it. I'll leave with the asset. Just lower your weapon."
She did so. Then she leaned forward and kissed him. "Thanks hun. See you back at the apartment."
And she ran off. Phoenix just shook his head and went to extract the Engineer from the enemy ship.

"Crystal, you're out of your gorram mind, you know that?" Phoenix was angry, but still amused.
"Of course I know that. Everyone does. If you had any question about that, I would have to say you don't know me very well."
"So what was it? What item was it that was so damn important to you that you'd risk not just your own life, but mine as well?"
"You don't ever need to know." She said as she subtly looked to her jacket hanging on the door to her apartment, bearing a brand new badge. The badge which had previously resided on the armor of the ship's commanding Elite. She smiled.

Merry Christmas and Thanks to my SS!! I'm still trying to figure you out! My scatterbrained mind is just everywhere and I'm lacking the ability to make the connections needed. When the holiday is over, and I can actually sit down for longer than 5 minutes and BREATH, I'll figure you out! Promise!!!

Merry Christmas to all HBO-ers out there! I'll stop being a lurker sometime next week when the holiday is over and my big move is complete! LOVE TO ALL!!!!

Message Index



Replies:

HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadJDQuackers 12/24/11 9:23 a.m.
     As if there was any doubt...padraig08 12/24/11 10:14 a.m.
           that's awesome =) *NM*GrimBrother One 12/24/11 10:16 a.m.
           Very nice :D *NM*Sqorck 12/24/11 10:19 a.m.
           Re: As if there was any doubt...Stephen L. (SoundEffect) 12/24/11 11:50 a.m.
           Not I, little Paddy.Hyokin 12/24/11 12:05 p.m.
                 Re: Not I, little Paddy.padraig08 12/25/11 3:11 a.m.
                       Re: Not I, little Paddy.Hyokin 12/25/11 8:40 a.m.
                             Re: Not I, little Paddy.ZackDark 12/25/11 11:31 a.m.
                                   Re: Not I, little Paddy.Phoenix_9286 12/25/11 12:30 p.m.
                                         *cough* The WHAT bf, now? *cough* *NM*ZackDark 12/25/11 12:47 p.m.
                                               Re: *cough* The WHAT bf, now? *cough*padraig08 12/25/11 2:39 p.m.
                                                     Re: *cough* The WHAT bf, now? *cough*ZackDark 12/25/11 4:15 p.m.
                                                           Re: *cough* The WHAT bf, now? *cough*padraig08 12/25/11 9:38 p.m.
                                         Re: Not I, little Paddy.Hyokin 12/25/11 1:02 p.m.
           HeheZackDark 12/24/11 12:09 p.m.
           Hahaha! Nice. I like it. *NM*The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:24 p.m.
     nbadudes3.jpgSqorck 12/24/11 10:17 a.m.
           Looks like my guy, but not from me. :) *NM*Hyokin 12/24/11 12:05 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadTex 12/24/11 10:21 a.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadJDQuackers 12/24/11 10:38 a.m.
                 Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadTex 12/24/11 10:42 a.m.
           Hehehe, that's one guy I'd like to see as an ODST.The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:28 p.m.
           Prego ;-)GrimBrother One 12/24/11 1:57 p.m.
     Vectorized Emblems!RC Master 12/24/11 10:33 a.m.
           Cool! *NM*The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:29 p.m.
           Re: Vectorized Emblems!Stephen L. (SoundEffect) 12/24/11 2:27 p.m.
                 Re: Vectorized Emblems!RC Master 12/24/11 6:14 p.m.
                       Re: Vectorized Emblems!Stephen L. (SoundEffect) 12/24/11 8:35 p.m.
                             Re: Vectorized Emblems!RC Master 12/25/11 7:03 a.m.
                                   Re: Vectorized Emblems!Stephen L. (SoundEffect) 12/25/11 11:21 a.m.
     To my secret santa...NartFOpc 12/24/11 10:54 a.m.
     HahahahhahaZackDark 12/24/11 10:56 a.m.
           Re: HahahahhahaJDQuackers 12/24/11 11:10 a.m.
           Check your email, Zack.The Lionheart 12/24/11 12:54 p.m.
                 I love this community *NM*JDQuackers 12/24/11 1:15 p.m.
                       I love it more.ZackDark 12/24/11 3:06 p.m.
           I be the late SS.SEspider 12/24/11 8:39 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion Threadkanbo 12/24/11 11:29 a.m.
           Wow, that is beautiful! *NM*ZackDark 12/24/11 11:34 a.m.
           Very cool! *NM*Sqorck 12/24/11 11:39 a.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadTex 12/24/11 11:42 a.m.
           This was Kanbo's face when he first saw it:The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:35 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadQuirel 12/24/11 11:42 a.m.
           ;) *SP*Sqorck 12/24/11 11:58 a.m.
           *insert hoedown joke here*The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:37 p.m.
           So gonna steal your gift now. lolSEspider 12/24/11 8:45 p.m.
     My Guess: HotIcePhoenix.Hyokin 12/24/11 12:03 p.m.
           BwahahahahahaZackDark 12/24/11 12:08 p.m.
           iDied *NM*Nomis78 12/24/11 12:20 p.m.
           Re: My Guess: HotIcePhoenix.Phoenix_9286 12/24/11 12:35 p.m.
                 Re: My Guess: HotIcePhoenix.Hyokin 12/24/11 12:44 p.m.
           LOL! *NM*The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:38 p.m.
           Re: My Guess: HotIcePhoenix.HotIcePhoenix 12/24/11 2:00 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadSchooly D 12/24/11 12:23 p.m.
           Hahaha! That's great! Only at HBO! *NM*The Lionheart 12/24/11 1:42 p.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion Threadkanbo 12/24/11 1:46 p.m.
           I lolled! *NM*RC Master 12/24/11 1:49 p.m.
           Haha, that's great!ZackDark 12/24/11 3:24 p.m.
     Story Time!!HotIcePhoenix 12/24/11 1:59 p.m.
           Awesome! *NM*GrimBrother One 12/24/11 8:52 p.m.
     Thanks Lionheart!Leviathan 12/24/11 4:08 p.m.
           You're welcome!The Lionheart 12/24/11 6:06 p.m.
           Re: Thanks Lionheart!GrimBrother One 12/25/11 7:15 a.m.
                 Re: Does Maddie know?The Lionheart 12/25/11 1:35 p.m.
     To my sekrit santa:MoltenSlowa 12/24/11 4:12 p.m.
           Lawl! *NM*HotIcePhoenix 12/24/11 11:32 p.m.
           That was amazing. *NM*Phoenix_9286 12/25/11 1:07 a.m.
     Primordium ordered! :D Thanks Santa!ncsuDuncan 12/24/11 7:36 p.m.
     SEspider Song!SEspider 12/24/11 8:21 p.m.
           Re: SEspider Song!macgyver10 12/26/11 10:54 p.m.
                 Re: SEspider Song!SEspider 12/27/11 10:26 p.m.
     Round of applause for JDQuackers!Postmortem 12/24/11 11:22 p.m.
           Hear, hear! *NM*The Lionheart 12/24/11 11:29 p.m.
           Agreed! Much clapping! *NM*HotIcePhoenix 12/24/11 11:34 p.m.
           Agreed. Well done! *NM*ncsuDuncan 12/24/11 11:37 p.m.
           Clappity-clap clap.ZackDark 12/25/11 12:08 a.m.
           Claptacular! Applauseomanjaro! Gratitude Spree! *NM*GrimBrother One 12/25/11 7:07 a.m.
                 JD aquired the elusive 'Santaburst' Medal!Cardo 8 atl 12/25/11 11:01 a.m.
           Re: Round of applause for JDQuackers!Stephen L. (SoundEffect) 12/25/11 11:17 a.m.
           Re: Round of applause for JDQuackers!ZackDark 12/27/11 4:16 p.m.
                 You're going on the naughty list. *NM*PostMortem's Secret Santa 12/27/11 4:18 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadGeneral Vagueness 12/25/11 4:06 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadKermit 12/27/11 3:23 p.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion Threaddavidfuchs 12/27/11 3:29 p.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadJDQuackers 12/27/11 3:39 p.m.
                 Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion Threadpete_the_duck 12/27/11 4:03 p.m.
           That's a win. :D *NM*The Lionheart 12/27/11 8:14 p.m.
           Awesome idea!Postmortem 12/27/11 9:30 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion *IMG*ZackDark 12/28/11 12:17 p.m.
     Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadBones153 12/28/11 2:56 p.m.
           Re: HBO Secret Santa Results and Discussion ThreadMacGyver10 12/28/11 3:11 p.m.
     Heres the thing...RC Master 12/28/11 5:03 p.m.
           Do what your heart feels is right :P *NM*davidfuchs 12/28/11 5:06 p.m.



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