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Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...
Posted By: poena.dare #CP# <>Date: 2/9/03 7:21 p.m.

Exogenesis, for winning the guess Louis Wu's Age Contest I promised that I would write a nice post justifying your existence. Well, here it is. After talking to Louis, he has agreed to throw in a prize, too.

Exogenesis is a Great Guy

Although I have only known Exogenesis for short time, I have learned much about Exogenesis. I can say with all certainty that he is fired with enthusiasm. An HBO poster like him is hard to find. I am in awe of the posts he has made here. His posts are thoughtful, wise, and mature. Exogenesis will do nothing which will lower your high regard for him. He is truly a unique person. Exogenesis is also definitely a person to watch. He is nobody's fool. He may be young, but he has the mental faculties of a person twice his age.

In my opinion, wea are all very fortunate to know Exogenesis. I can assure you that there no person more deserved of the gift of life.

Now, Louis has agreed to give you his favorite goat, Quicksilver, as a prize for winning the contest. But, this goat is so special that Louis wanted you to understand completely how special Quicksilver is. To do this I'm going to have to fill you in on Quicksilver's relatives and how they relate to the Wu family.

GoatabubLost in the mists of time are the true details of the founding of the Wu dynasty, but certain stories have been handed down for generations that tell of the beginning of the Wu family's love for goats. One of the earliest tales is that the patriarch of the Wu family, Wu Wu, was the engineer of a train in Bali when he happened to see a goat on the tracks. Instead of running the hapless creature down, he stopped the train and rescued the kid. As the Book of Wu Tales tells us:

When Wu took the goat in his arms there occurred a great crash of thunder and smoke, followed by a deeply resonant coughing. When the smoke cleared Wu beheld the awesome presence of Goatabub, minor minion of hell and protector of all evil goats.

When Wu turned to run away, Goatabub laughed and proclaimed, "For saving my kine you shall be rewarded, but only so long as you care for this goat and her descendents. Take this kid and nurture her and your family shall grow and prosper."

Wu took the goat in his arms, thinking he would get rid of her as soon as he got home, but Goatabub divinded his thoughts and spake, "Oh Wu, recant your thoughts, for if you cast her off your ears will grow and birds shall nest in them!" With a loud rumbling and more smoke, Goatabub returned to the nether regions.

Wu took the goat home and named her Daisy. The pronouncements of Goatabub came true, for his family grew is size and prosperity, as did the descendants of Daisy.

GoatawarThe Wu family continued to care for goats for the next hundred years. From time to time a special goat was born that had the ability to change history.

One such goat was Goatawar, a feisty two year old that Ezekiel Wu insisted on taking on maneuvers during World War One. During the intense battle of the Black Forest, Goatawar got loose and ended up behind German lines. Before he could be captured, Goatawar managed to eat 217 canisters of mustard gas and the epaulets off of Kaiser Wilhelm's uniform. The Kaiser was so unnerved by the goat attack that he agreed to the armistice one week later.

DewlapOf course, all Wu family goats are prizewinners. Louis's mother, Toodle Wu, made a career of exhibiting Wu family goats and won many prestigious awards. Pictured here is Toodle's favorite, Dewlap, who won the most awards of any goat in history. Among the honors Dewlap garnered are:

Communist Hating Goat of the Year 1950-1957
Sleekest Coat 1953, 1955-1957, 1963
Supple Hooves Special Mention 1952, 1955, 1960
Goat Most Likely to Appear on the Cover of The New Yorker 1956
Atomic Energy Commission's Goat of the Year 1957
Goat Most Feared by Indochina 1964
John Birch Society Goat of Distinction 1968

Quicksilver and FriendsInto this goat loving family Louis Wu was born, and to this day he carries on the traditions of his forefathers. But Louis was not content to do things the same way his parents did. Louis foresaw far in advance that a highly connected digital age would be coming and made plans accordingly. When the explosion of the internet occurred, Louis began boldly marketing Goat Porn.

Louis will readily admit that his Goat Porn venture was a risky move. But his tireless efforts to bring Goat Porn to the masses paid off handsomely. If you are an internet user like me, you can hardly turn around without running into one of Louis' Goat Porn websites. In fact, it is the profits from Louis' Goat Porn empire that pay for the HBO web site! So next time you visit HBO, remember that it's Goat Porn that makes all this possible.

Louis' wife, Matilda, prepares Quicksilver for a shoot.Louis' oldest stud, Quicksilver, is ready to retire from the Goat Porn business. This is why he is considering making him a gift to you, Exogenesis. But taking care of Quicksilver is no easy task and will be further complicated by his age.

You must brush Quicksilver's coat at least three times a day. You must feed Quicksilver ten pounds of old tin cans every day. Quicksilver expects poetry to be read to him every night. You will need to brush up on your Byron. Quicksilver's hooves, horns, and teeth have to be polished every day before he goes to sleep. You must provided Quicksilver with adequate living space, including a jacuzzi.

If you can agree to do all these things, then a member of the illustrious Wu family goats will be yours. If not, then I'm sure Louis will understand.

Bungie Sightings

Message Index


Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...poena.dare #CP# 2/9/03 7:21 p.m.
     you are a very peculiar fellow, PD... *NM*oddworld18 2/9/03 8:03 p.m.
     That goat smiled at me *NM*bob dole 2/9/03 8:27 p.m.
     Re: Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...P_40E 2/9/03 8:32 p.m.
     Re: Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...Louis Wu 2/9/03 9:18 p.m.
           Re: Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...poena.dare #CP# 2/9/03 9:25 p.m.
                 Re: Exogenesis, Here is Your Prize...Louis Wu 2/9/03 9:26 p.m.
     No, no, no, NO!Red Loser 2/10/03 3:53 p.m.
     Now what do I do with a goat? *NM*Exogenesis 2/10/03 6:28 p.m.

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