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| Nice Try, Marty | |
| Posted By: Matt <matt@bungie.com> | Date: 9/7/02 6:25 a.m. |
In Response To: no one from Bungie need reply... *NM* (Marty the Elder) I don't need to reply. It's merely an ardent desire of mine. Marty's days are a whirlwind of activity, but they begin casually when he saunters into the office around 11 AM. The pace immediately picks up as he makes a tea run. This is followed by a blistering verbal assault on Jay, who despite pulling another all-nighter has still not fixed the PowerBook Marty broke while attempting to launch a standard professional audio application. Joe gamely inquires as to the whereabouts of the audio he needs for his current project; Marty replies that he cannot begin his work until the animatic contains six minutes of black screen at the beginning so viewers can properly focus their minds on the audio. Thus begins a fusillade of thinly-veiled character assaults and lighthearted assertions that the other guy is going to get the whole damn team fired. At noon, like the coyote and sheepdog in Warner Brothers cartoons, they break for lunch together. When they return, Marty sits down to read some email, paying particular attention to a spam he received eight months ago which addressed him as an "important executive." Receiving this honor genuinely thrilled him and he dedicates the post-lunch hour to researching and ordering custom commemorative merchandise, such as t-shirts bearing the legend "I Married An Important Executive And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt." Tea run. Once that's done it's time to check the Marty Army website. The Q&A page is a "holy chore" for Marty, who feels he must give each question the same amount of thought and consideration he would if the questioner was a dinner guest in his home. Some responses take hours. Around this time a Marketing bonehead none of us have ever seen before drops by with a CD from some soulless no-talent Hootie-and-the-Blowfish wannabe who has parlayed his thoroughly mediocre songwriting and marketable face into a #3 position on the Music For Thirty-Somethings Who Can't Hide Their Metamucil Dependency Much Longer charts. "He just did an interview with a lifestyle magazine for Nazi war criminals and jet-setting pedophiles, and he spent two whole sentences talking about how much he loves Halo," the Marketing person gushes. "Wouldn't it be awesome to have him on the Halo 2 soundtrack?" "Don't take the CD, Marty," I scream from across the room, "it's a complete waste of time." "I'll be the judge of that," says Marty, who retires to his studio long enough to listen to the whole CD four times. Eventually he exits, saying, "Wow, that was a complete waste of time." But he will keep the CD, staying late at night to pore through the tracks with a fine-tooth comb, searching for the subliminal mind-control messages embedded by RIAA-member record companies more insidiously evil than Microsoft at its worst. If he can extract them in time for the next soundtrack CD, he knows he won't even have to bother coming into the office anymore. "Speaking of complete wastes of time, Marty," calls Joe, "all our fans are going to waste oodles of time at the doctor when they don't hear any sound in this game and start to wonder if they've gone deaf. How's that audio doing?" "Speaking of doctor visits, how many fingers am I holding up, Mr. Visuals Guy?" quips Marty. Stephen Okasaki of the Halo team steps in and says "Hey Marty, BillClintonBobaFettWashingtonRoads." Everyone within earshot makes a concerted effort to ignore what happens for the next two hours. Marty finishes and makes another tea run. After all this effort it's time for a break. Marty usually relaxes by replicating complex works of art on his Etch-A-Sketch with inhuman accuracy, fondling his golf scorecard autographed by golf legend Gomez Tedium, top-loading his Jug O'M&Ms with carefully-measured portions of Peanut and Plain varieties, or speaking in hushed tones to Percy, a small plastic pig kept in an ovular funhouse-mirror contraption on his desk. "How's that PowerBook doing, Jay?" Marty asks as the daylight begins to fade. Jay tells him. Marty complains about Apple for a while. Then he sits down at his desk and uses the corporate intranet to see how his Microsoft stock options are doing. Marty complains about Microsoft for a while. Finding himself lost in the MSWeb hierarchy, he surfs through several unfamiliar pages before giving up and clicking a button labeled "Close Connection" on the current page. The entire building loses internet access. It's time to go home. Lather, rinse, repeat. -Matt | |
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| Replies: |
| Question for/about Marty. | Tursas | 9/6/02 6:28 p.m. |
| Re: Question for/about Marty. | Louis Wu | 9/6/02 8:51 p.m. |
| no one from Bungie need reply... *NM* | Marty the Elder | 9/6/02 9:30 p.m. |
| lol *NM* | Louis Wu | 9/6/02 9:44 p.m. |
| Dang, pre-emptive strike by Marty *NM* | ferrex | 9/7/02 4:04 a.m. |
| Nice Try, Marty | Matt | 9/7/02 6:25 a.m. |
| Re: lol *NM* | n3m | 9/7/02 6:36 a.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Louis Wu | 9/7/02 6:44 a.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Xcruiser | 9/7/02 10:40 a.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Louis Wu | 9/7/02 10:42 a.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Xcruiser | 9/7/02 12:24 p.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Bachus | 9/7/02 2:45 p.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Louis Wu | 9/7/02 3:07 p.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | NthDegree256 | 9/7/02 3:33 p.m. |
| Wow | Matt(Uh...#5?) | 9/7/02 3:41 p.m. |
| Where do I begin? | Marty the Elder | 9/7/02 3:53 p.m. |
| We love you, Marty! | Louis Wu | 9/7/02 8:11 p.m. |
| Re: We love you, ...Everyone! | Jerry | 9/7/02 8:59 p.m. |
| Re: We love you, Marty! | vector40 | 9/7/02 10:01 p.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | spoot! | 9/7/02 11:45 p.m. |
| Re: Nice Try, Marty | Matt | 9/8/02 12:39 a.m. |
| Thanks! *NM* | spoot! | 9/8/02 11:23 a.m. |
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