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The Monkey and the Hippopotamus
Posted By: Matt <>Date: 10/22/00 2:26 p.m.

In Response To: Poor little kitty..... (Pumpkinhead)

Once upon a time in the jungle there lived a young monkey. He had been forcibly ejected from polite monkey society for his constant screeching and habitual forcible buggering of the other monkeys. "Maybe they do that in zoos, but we don't tolerate it here," said the monkey elders, beating the young monkey's ass until it glowed a violent shade of red. Then they punted him from the tree and told him not to come back until he'd grown up a bit.

Dejected, the monkey set about looking for other animals so he could mock them to feel better about himself. He happened upon a small lake where a hippopotamus and her new baby lived.

"Hello, monkey," said the hippopotamus. "Check out my new baby. It'll be a long time before he's fully grown but I think he's pretty cool anyway."

"Ha!" scoffed the monkey. "By the time that baby is grown, no one will care about it any more. I certainly won't, I can tell you that! And there are other animals in the jungle, like the baby crocodiles on the other side of the lake, who will tear your baby limb from limb before it grows large enough to impress anyone. When I heard about the new hippo baby a month ago it was cool, but it's been so long already and it's still just a weak little baby. If that's the best you can do, you should stop reproducing and get into the pizza delivery business."

Thereafter the monkey would occasionally come to the shore to caper around and screech insults at the hippopotamus and her child. Sometimes other jungle animals would come to admire the hippo child, and the monkey would chide them mercilessly for their interest. Stupid jungle animals! Could they not see the innate inferiority of the hippo's pathetic offspring? The young monkey felt Very Smart Indeed.

Many moons passed, and the young hippo grew, though it was hard to tell because he spent much of his time completely submerged save for his eyes and nostrils. His eyes, when they fell upon the rude monkey, were very calm. Sometimes he would yawn.

One day the hippo invited all the other jungle animals over for a party. A large crowd gathered at the edge of the lake. The monkey danced and hopped among them, insulting everyone he met and wagging his red ass tauntingly at the hippos in the lake.

He was so wrapped up in his taunting that he did not notice the young hippo, now a young adult and most impressive, erupting from the water. The other jungle animals got out of the way as two tons of furious hippo streaked towards the monkey at 30 MPH. (Believe it or not, hippos can actually run this fast for short distances.)

Later, some of the jungle animals would question whether the impact itself killed the monkey or if it had more to do with the hippo's foot-long incisors upon which the monkey was impaled. Still others suggested the monkey, realizing how incredibly wrong he had been, died from a combination of shock and embarrassment. All of them agreed that the monkey died long before the hippo slammed his body to the ground and began to stomp it into a thick gelatinous paste, and the monkey's vicious, vacuous insults died with him. The jungle animals cheered this new development, and everyone got on with their lives.

The End

Message Index


Poor little kitty.....Pumpkinhead 10/22/00 4:11 a.m.
     Re: Poor little kitty.....Evil Bastard 10/22/00 6:37 a.m.
           YES, BURRRRRRNNNNN!!!!! (nt)Red Hot Ryan 10/23/00 12:58 a.m.
           Re: Poor little kitty.....SD 10/23/00 11:41 a.m.
                 um...wh0r3?Psyrixx 10/23/00 12:12 p.m.
                       Re: um...wh0r3?SD 10/23/00 4:58 p.m.
                             Re: um...wh0r3?mattd 10/23/00 7:16 p.m.
                 MistakesEh? 10/23/00 2:16 p.m.
                       Re: MistakesSD 10/23/00 4:55 p.m.
                             Re: Mistakesmnemesis 10/23/00 5:53 p.m.
                             Re: MistakesPsyrixx 10/23/00 9:45 p.m.
                                   Re: MistakesDavid Bricker 10/24/00 8:38 a.m.
                                   Re: MistakesDaniel M. Kane 10/24/00 9:41 p.m.
                                         Un poquito másDaniel M. Kane 10/24/00 9:44 p.m.
                 Re: Poor little kitty.....Forensic 10/23/00 5:05 p.m.
                       lolDavid Bricker 10/24/00 8:28 a.m.
     Sigh...nexZ 10/22/00 10:37 a.m.
     Truly a fable for the ages. Here's another one.Forensic 10/22/00 11:38 a.m.
     Re: Poor little kitty.....Capn Crunch 10/22/00 11:53 a.m.
     Another better fable:Mark Levin 10/22/00 12:59 p.m.
           Re: Another better fable:Oscar 10/24/00 4:23 a.m.
     Is someone going to ban this dude for trolling -ntMercilessKK 10/22/00 2:04 p.m.
     The Monkey and the HippopotamusMatt 10/22/00 2:26 p.m.
           Re: The Monkey and the Hippopotamusmattd 10/22/00 5:44 p.m.
                 Re: The Monkey and the Hippopotamusfatboy18 10/22/00 11:54 p.m.
                 well, yes - that goes without saying (nt)Darth Oosha 10/24/00 9:29 a.m.
           LOL!! -ntMercilessKK 10/22/00 6:48 p.m.
           Bungie Bungie Bungie Bungie Bungie Bungie Bungie(the)Street Mime 10/22/00 9:51 p.m.
           Re: LOLmnemesis 10/22/00 9:52 p.m.
           An old South African proverbDavid Bricker 10/23/00 10:26 a.m.
           If it ain't about WALLHUGGING Hippos, I don't careXian 10/24/00 1:34 p.m.
                 "*whine whine bitch whine*"nexZ 10/24/00 1:59 p.m.
                 Because thats what he gets paid for (nt)Orlando the Axe 10/24/00 8:04 p.m.
     Re: Poor little kitty.....Michael Watson 10/24/00 9:32 a.m.

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