Posts on Current Forum | Archived Posts
|
|
|
||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
| Frequently Asked Forum Questions | |
|||
|
||||
|
|
|||
| ||||
| ||||
| ||||
| Search Older Posts on This Forum: Posts on Current Forum | Archived Posts | ||||
| ||||
| ||||
| ||||
| Confessions of a gamer without skillz | |
| Posted By: Dagoonite <dagoonite@gmail.com> | Date: 5/6/11 2:06 a.m. |
|
I'm not a "good" gamer. I make no qualms about that. I'm friendly, I still tend to say "Good game" if I had a lot of fun. (I still get mocked by people who question if I realize I'm playing Halo for saying this.) I've spent a good while trying to get my Heroic run on Reach finished; Normal took me about a week and a half. I've been told in Matchmaking to just find a place to hide six times... I'm waiting for one more before I throw in the towel. I figure it's appropriate. Somehow my BPR still says 48, though I have no idea how. But I'm halfway decent at Firefight. True, I mainly play Gruntpocalypse on Score Attack, but still. I can beat that with a surprisingly good number of headshots and maybe one or two deaths. This, I am happy with. So I decided to go back and snag some achievements from ODST, since it's my preferred game for some reason. I remembered getting 200000 on Crater long, long ago. My skills must have improved, because I've been working so hard on Reach, right? It can't be that hard, right? I can do Windward, right? Now, my friends, I would like to politely inform you what you should probably already have guessed. I quite possibly have a brain the density of lead. I may very well have found my calling in the Alpha Complex's Recreational Gulag to serve as radioactive shielding. Either that or I'm a wellspring of optimism with the determination to defy the odds, when I bother to recognize that they exist. So today, upon finishing the daily challenges, I popped in my ODST disk with my head held high. After a quick little bit of playing to refamiliarize myself with the controls, I squared my shoulders back and started the run proper. Fifteen minutes later, I cracked my knuckles and bunkered in to win this time and not get creamed. Eight minutes later I got a cup of coffee, apologized to the roomies for the sounds they would no doubt hear coming from my room, and took my position to REALLY DO IT THIS TIME I SWEAR. 45 minutes later I pause the game, go out, get some OJ, and go back over what I was taught when I was learning to shoot. Breathe. Holding your breath causes you to have tunnel vision. That will cause you to get killed by the bad guys. Breathe. With this mantra running through my mind, I go back in, ready to win this. An hour later I pause the game again and go back out to face my worried roomies. They consider me a ninja. I'm a quiet person, and this extends to video games. If somebody talks to me while playing, I'll talk back, but the most noise that I normally make is a laugh when I die in a manner that I personally consider humorous. (Getting splattered as I try to activate armor lock never ceases to amuse me.) So for me to make "animal noises" and be heard to sing various chants wishing a premature demise on my enemies is rather alarming to them. After calming their fears and changing my shirt, I go back in with every intention of winning this. An hour later I'm somehow still alive. Pausing, I change my shirt again, becoming mildly alarmed by how much I'm sweating. I usually don't sweat, at all. It's literally dripping off of me. It's at this point that I realize that not only do my fingers hurt, but my calves are cramping too. Apparently I've been putting a death grip on my controller and have been trying to push my feet through the floor. As I try and rehydrate, I explain my plight and my goal to my roomies. I'm on the home stretch. I can make this... I hope. The difficulty is getting to me. My tremors are making me look like I'm constantly nodding. They don't play video games. They should have no sympathy for my plight. But instead, they force me to continue my break. One gives me a shoulder rub and tries to get me to relax before going back at it as the other gets me some Gatoraid. After getting me to SLOWLY drink about half the bottle, they allow me to go back at it... joining me to watch my continued trials. It's during this final run that they come to appreciate what I'm doing; why I turn into coward when I see a Chieftan; why I call out "Flame on!" when I toss a fire grenade; why I loudly bemoan my inability to "stick it;" and why I keep telling Dutch to preach on. They watch, in a surprising amount of suspense, as my screen turns red and my health whittles down during Black Eye. The last ten minutes of the game I quit playing Halo properly. I harken back to my MGS days and spent my time trying to sneak up on enemies and then RUN AWAY REALLY QUICKLY WISHING THEY'D JUST STOP SHOOTING AT ME. ("All I want is a sticky to stick when I throw it!") As I hide from enemies, dodging the friggin' banshee, one of my roomies asks what "that thing" is. "Where?" "On the railing, by the door." Oh. Hey. It's a missile pod. Why didn't I notice that before? Doot, doot, kill the banshee. Doot, doot, Achievement Unlocked! After three hours, 19 minutes, and 40-odd seconds of game time (no clue how long counting breaks) my quest ended, and with it, my saga. ...Well, except there's a few more to unlock. If anybody knows how I can contact Friend Computer for a reassignment to a recreational gulag, let me know. My next day off, I'm going to question my sanity. Again. For who knows how long.
| |
|
| Replies: |
| Confessions of a gamer without skillz | Dagoonite | 5/6/11 2:06 a.m. |
| Awesome post :) *NM* *NM* | excowboy83 | 5/6/11 5:45 a.m. |
| Bravo! *NM* | GrimBrother One | 5/6/11 6:57 a.m. |
| I'm Louis Wu, and I approve of this message. | Louis Wu | 5/6/11 7:46 a.m. |
| Consequences... | Dagoonite | 5/6/11 8:29 a.m. |
| Re: Consequences... | DHalo | 5/6/11 9:42 a.m. |
| Re: Consequences... | PsycoJoe | 5/6/11 10:19 a.m. |
| Re: Consequences... | ZackDark | 5/6/11 1:44 p.m. |
| I like this *NM* | Kermit | 5/6/11 9:54 a.m. |
| 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Miguel Chavez | 5/8/11 12:46 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Jillybean | 5/8/11 2:43 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Dagoonite | 5/8/11 4:39 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Jillybean | 5/8/11 7:22 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Louis Wu | 5/8/11 8:03 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Dagoonite | 5/8/11 8:25 a.m. |
| Re: 343i should be filming YOU and your roomies. | Louis Wu | 5/8/11 8:56 a.m. |
| This was great! | NsU Soldier | 5/8/11 2:45 a.m. |
| Standing Invitation | JonnyOThan | 5/9/11 12:41 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | Bry | 5/9/11 1:06 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | munky-058 | 5/9/11 1:09 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | Leviathan | 5/9/11 3:01 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | Bry | 5/9/11 7:15 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | ZackDark | 5/9/11 7:17 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | Bry | 5/9/11 7:22 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | ZackDark | 5/9/11 7:23 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | Bry | 5/9/11 7:35 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | ZackDark | 5/9/11 7:43 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | FyreWulff | 5/9/11 1:08 p.m. |
| Re: Standing Invitation | SIX min WHISTLE | 5/9/11 1:57 p.m. |
| What I get for taking time from the web... | Dagoonite | 5/10/11 1:33 a.m. |
The HBO Forum Archive is maintained with WebBBS 4.33. |