In Response To: Seven More Minutes: a LANbex retrospective *stuff* (Max Power (aka- dewbe))
: Months ago, dolbex posted here at HBO about throwing an old-school style HBO
: lan. I've always wanted to go to one because of the obvious reasons: lots
: of Halo and frosty beverages... but even more than that, the cool people.
: Putting faces to the names. Hanging out and just... hanging out. Since
: they've always been very far away from me (and for the last couple of
: years, invite only) I've never been able to go to one. But dolbex saved
: the day and said he was going to throw a house-warming-big-ass-LAN party
: and that it would be a measly 3 hours away from me. It took me about .7
: seconds to sign up. Well I got off of work and planned for it, and when
: the time finally came I packed my car to head out (actually my wife's car,
: it's much better for large electronics). I brought with me a big bagful of
: prizes (HGNs, RvB DVDs, giftcards, lots of random crap), 49 sticks of
: deodorant (seriously, but nobody forgot theirs), two complete xbox/tv
: setups, various accessories, and nametags/sharpie. Fairly uneventful trip,
: except for some reason I was surprised when I hit a little traffic coming
: through Atlanta at 5:30pm on a Friday.
: I arrived at 6:30pm on Friday night and was greeted at the door by someone I
: would later learn was a drunken "dizzy" (I think he fell asleep
: within 10 minutes of this encounter). I headed downstairs and looked
: around at a handful of guys deep into a Halo 2 match, so I started making
: trips to and from the car and setting up. We got my setups connected and I
: started playing before my car was finished unloading. People showed up all
: night and the room would greet each one with shouts and/or handshakes.
: Games of Halo, then Halo 2, then Halo, then Halo 2, then Halo carried on
: until about 6:30am. Only about 8-10 people were left playing by this time,
: though... with fallen soldiers covered in blankets lying on the floor of
: every room. Mintz actually slept in an unfinished basement room using
: insulation as padding for the concrete floor. So if Mintz gets cancer or
: something, don't feel bad: he kinda asked for it.
: I decided to get some shut-eye at about 6am, but I couldn't find a spot that
: wasn't in the den of noise. So I walked up and found me a nice spot at
: that halfway point on the stairs where there's a flat spot about the size
: of a twin bed. That lasted about 45 minutes until the crew that was
: playing until 6:30 came rumbling up the stairs and sat in the kitchen. Now
: my sleeping spot was unbearable, so I trudged (which is the only thing you
: can do at 6:45 am with flannel pajama pants on) downstairs and slept under
: a table for a little while. I say "a little while" because it
: had only been about two hours before I realized that Miguel was playing
: Burnout Revenge on my 360, and that I was sleeping right next to my
: subwoofer. :) Needless to say, I promptly woke up.
: Went upstairs and sat at the kitchen table while Miguel cooked some delicious
: breakfast. I waited patiently and let others get food before me while I
: sat and chatted with folks but when Furhman woke up, walked into the
: kitchen and said "oooh, eggs!" I bolted for them. After eating,
: Dolbex started to write down gametypes for contests and what prizes were
: available for them. After some brainstorming, we all came up with a good
: list and headed downstairs to the thunderdome for some action. The games
: were great fun. We had rocketball on Warlock and other similarly awesome
: yet arduous gametypes. One of the last contest games was a 99 lives
: swat-with-carbines survival match with eight 2-man teams on Lockout. I
: hate camping, so I was the first one eliminated and about 10 minutes
: later, others started dropping. The last three teams pitched their tents
: and the game lasted for a long time, but I didn't care because I was
: outside talking with folks on the deck. The deck is also where the next
: chapter of the story takes place...
: The Tijuana Mama is the unofficial "official Bungie foodtuff." It's
: a 6 inch long hot sausage made from whatever's left over after they clean
: the floor at the sausage plant. Then they pickle it and seal it in a
: little plastic pouch (like a fat, quarter pound "slim jim" made
: of unwashed asses soaked in vinegar). I figure this LAN is a great
: opportunity to share these fine treats with as many people as possible, so
: I buy 36 of them (hooray internet) and plop down some super-cool prizes
: for the winners. But really, in a Tijuana Mama eating contest, the only
: "winners" are the spectators. We all go out to the deck and
: prepare. The 6 brave contestants lined up in chairs with the whole crowd
: around them, making sure to leave a fast-travel lane to the front of the
: front of the deck where they can run if their stomachs reject the
: delicious meat. The cameras started rolling and the sausage wrappers were
: peeled. The clock was set to 5 minutes and the guys went to work. In a
: surprising turn of events, eat-master Furhman fought to hold back the
: spewage and completely quit after less than a minute and less than half a
: sausage. After 4 minutes the other 5 were still eating. Neogenics and
: Thanos were tied for the lead with roughly 4 Tijuana Mamas consumed, while
: 3rd place honors were being fought over by Mintz and TRUbored. Words
: cannot describe the joyous laughter, the pure adrenaline-fueled emotion,
: the flat-out excitement that the crowd was feeling. Screams must have been
: heard blocks away. Furhman and I have alternate angles of video, but my
: file is 461mb and it'll take some time before there's a way to share its
: glory. With 30 seconds left, Neogenics had almost a half sausage lead on
: Thanos. The crowd wouldn't have this, though. The loudest screams of the
: weekend erupted, urging Thanos to shove one down and win. He gave in to
: the pressure and bit off half of the thing at one time. Very few men in
: the world can successfully put half of a Tijuana Mama in their mouth...
: and Thanos isn't one of them. He ran for the railing of the deck and let
: his gag reflex do its job. With 10 seconds left Neogenics looks to be the
: victor, but his face looks unhealthy. The crowd screams the countdown 5!
: 4! 3! 2! 1! As soon as the time is up, Neo runs for the rail and lets his
: own gag reflex kick in. He gets the prizes and the glory, but at what
: price? The price?... Well, when I was packing up this morning, Neogenics
: came to me and described an unpleasant bowel movement he'd just had. When
: I got home this afternoon, I had an email from Mintz that I will not
: repost here because it is BAD, but he did say "I'm going to have
: nightmares featuring those forsaken foods in sombreros,
: and I'm never going to forgive you." Thanks for playing, Mintz!
: After the contest, some folks headed back in and started playing a little bit
: while others went upstairs to watch Dolbex cook hotdogs and hamburgers on
: the grill for everyone. They were fantastic. After a few beers and some
: chat, went back to the thunderdome for more Halo. Needed another beverage
: and went up to the kitchen, came back down and noticed a few HBO'ers were
: not in the room. The game being played had a while to go, so I went
: outside and came across the missing peoples. We sat outside for hours just
: talking about stuff. Halo stuff, Bungie stuff, stuff stuff. Well, when I
: say "we" I mean everyone but KP. The rest of us talked about
: Master Chief's sex drive (Mig), talked about relations to Marathon
: (Ma1agate), threw footballs and did the phone signal pose (Schooly D). We
: just got to know each other and chatted about random stuff. We even gave
: our best guesses at Halo 3 story content while KP just sat there and
: didn't utter a single syllable. He's good at that. Those hours ouside with
: no Xbox around were the best hours of the weekend, by a long shot.
: Went to bed last night at about 3, which felt early. No stairs this time, I
: slept in a room with KP and Mig... no details on that, but I can say that
: there were hard dickings . I remember waking up for a second and Schooly
: D saying "nice to meet you" and then we did a sleepy, fumbly
: hand/fist shake thing. Next time I woke up there was no one in the room,
: so I went upstairs where the remaining peoples were and hung out for a
: little while. Went downstairs, packed up stuff, and said goodbyes. Took KP
: to the airport, and drove back home.
: Now I'm here with bags still packed and sitting just inside the front door.
: When I got home, I walked straight to the computer and turned it on. I had
: to document this. I had to try and replay every memory I could and put it
: here so I wouldn't forget. It hasn't quite sunk in that I finally got to
: go to an HBO LAN. I'm pretty sure it's the altered state of mind from not
: sleeping much at all for the last two nights, but it feels like I just had
: a great dream and I don't want to wake up yet. I know it happened, I have
: the pictures... but the alarm's going off and I reach over and I want to
: hit that big, fat snooze button. I want seven more minutes. That's all.
: Just seven more minutes.
: I hope you enjoyed the rambling tale of my experiences, congratulations if
: you made it this far. This is undoubtedly my longest post ever, and I'd
: like to end it with s7yle: You ever see KP outwit someone online and you
: wonder what that would look like in person?
:
: Jynx takes Ma1agate to school...in Fight Night Round 3.
:
: I love this picture for so many reasons. At first, I thought it was a crappy
: shot, but upon closer inspection it looks like KP is spitting back into
: his drink, sorahn has a truly awful look on his face, Jynx is sporting the
: rare double-bottle-boner, Foxcross either doesn't understand the concept
: of holding the controller or she's about to use it to bash in the head of
: her BeanBag chair, which is currently comprised of an unnamed dude.
:
: This is the postgame for the rocketball warlock game. Lots of kills. I was
: actually about 3rd place in oddball time, but I guess something happened
: and I quit or my box froze or something. Proud of having the most deaths,
: though.
:
: I haven't seen HBO in two days, but the spam was unescapable.
:
: Schooly D and his startingly accurate nametag.
:
: This is an unaltered, real photopraph of dizzy's breakfast.
:
: Getting ready for the Tijuana Mama carnage.
:
: Mintz fighting the urge to let those sausages fly into Dolbex's back yard.
:
: This is actually only about half of the Tijuana Mamas eaten by 5 people
: (Furhman doesn't count).
:
: Schooly D makes the 7th of about 237 attempts to get a signal on his cell
: phone.
:
: Mintz and Ma1agate engage in deep discussion about the intricate details of
: the Halo universe.
:
: Miguel engages in deep discussion about the insane sex drive the MC must
: have.
:
: Mig, KP, and myself. Can you spot the product placement?
:
: GROUP SHOT!
:
: If any of these pictures are linked to anywhere else or see any wide
: exposure, I will probaly exceed my bandwidth limit, be gentle.
: P.S. When's the next one? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
: P.P.S. apologies to Matt Sharp for blatantly stealing his idea
OMG, awesome! I wish i had been in Georgia so I could join you!
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