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VH1 Behind The Music: Marathon (part 2) REDUX
Posted By: YossarianDate: 11/23/01 6:12 p.m.

The UESC All-Stars were quick to follow up with yet another hit: "DOOM SUX". The song, written together by the four members, was an emotional and heartfelt heavy satanic death-rock song. A sampling of the lines include: "We actually have a storyline you pukes", "BLAM!" and "A CHAINSAW? Oh, Please..." Everyone everywhere bought copies of the album causing it to go past gold, past platinum, and past quintuple platinum straight into "Purple Bald Eagle Head" and "Holy Grail" Territory. In fact, this album is not expected to leave The Billboard top 40 until February 2178.

It should be noted that several die hard DOOM fans as well as certain dentists did NOT buy this single. They stole it.

The UESC All Stars were now bona fide worldwide rock gods. A worldwide tour was schedualed and the shows were to be the largest and most complex stage productions ever assembled. The tour required 137 18 wheelers, 123 tour busses, the space shuttle launch pad, the removal and trasportation of Carnegie Hall and The Statue of liberty as well as one of those mobile snack bars, you know, for refreshments. The show itself consisted of 3006 specially and individually trained zoo animals, The complete royal family of Spain (living and dead), Jennifer Lopez, 12 thousand tons of fireworks, 96,000 colored lights, 2000 non-colored lights, 17 burnt out lights, a fully functional MacDonalds, Ralph Nader, a complete reconstruction of the Mayflower, as well as 23,000 member orchestra which only played a total of 23 seconds on only one of the All-Stars songs. The sheer volume of effects and attractments made a former member of Pink Floyd comment: "Meh, it's been done before".

Since concert halls and stadiums were too small for the shows, Jones and Seropian had entire cities bulldozed beforehand in order to make room for the show. At the Boston concert, Pfhor Fingers pulled some strings and got his alien friends to abduct the audience at the end of "Conditioned Ranks". This was the best and by far the coolest special effects event ever performed anywhere in the histories of all the dimensions combined. Unfortunately there was some kind of mix up and the alien ship never returned the concert goers.

Within 5 months the band released two more albums: "Airlock Love" and "Spanky the Wonder Chicken Flies Again". Both were unbelieveable smash hit albums, "Airlock Love" went Multi-multi platinum. "Spanky", as the album was commonly known, only sold a disappointing 50 million copies in Nebraska alone.

The lives of the band members themselves were beginning to show remarkable, though perhaps superfluous and fleeting accomplishments. Freshy-D began designing his very own brand of thick, heavy woolen designer arctic survival jackets, which sold especially well among urban youth in such cities as Miami, Phoenix, Las Vegas, and Houston. The Marine began a small career in film with cameo's in Scream 6 and Star Wars, Episode III: The Last Squeeze of the Cash Cow. Pfhor Fingers was promoted among the pfhor bureaucracy and was now alowed bathroom breaks while guarding sections 783.4 through 783.42. BOB was given an honorary degree from Harvard in Linguistics.

To anyone on the outside, it would seem the playing and producing powerhouse that was Seropian/Jones/Freshy-D/Marine/Pfhor/BOB was unstoppable and so completely stable. This couldn't have been more from the tru7h.

Much of the frustration began when Freshy-D felt that BOB wasn't singing the lyrics Freshy wrote as passionately as BOB's own lyrics. Freshy-D explains: "It was quite a difficult experience indeed. I was writing beuatiful collages of ancient chinese poetry mixed with aptly emotional yet witty snippets, some quality work if I should be allowed to say. Anyways, the line I wrote would be something like 'If it were only that that this night should not but be held forever in your sweet, sweet memory' but BOB would simply sing it as 'THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, THANK GOD IT'S YOU.' Really quite depressing".

Not only this, but to add to the tension, The Marine would often times simply shoot pfhor fingers out of sheer reflex. On top of that, BOB was acting strange (BOB always acted strange its just that no one noticed until now). Often times he would run into a room screaming and then suddenly stop until someone bumped into him. Other times he would run into a doorway when you were trying to pass through and jam you in. The only was to get out was to make him run away again by punching him. On top of this, BOB was known to sometimes spontaneously combust, showering the audience smelly yellow blood.

The tensions between the members were getting just too much for Freshy-D. Citing 'creative difficulties' as the cause of leaving, Freshy fled the band. The remaining members however, cited 'wetware chip and cocaine addiction' as Freshy's real motives for leaving.

Seropian got a nameless S'pht compiler to replace Freshy on drums, but its total lack of arms made this an ineffective solution. Pfhor Fingers was accidently fried when The Marine obtained a flamethrower. The Marine fell into a pool of liquid radioactive goop and died. BOB, who had absolutely no training in weapons kept the trigger engaged on a fusion pistol just to se what would happen.

Normally, such tragedy would have ruined any band, however the members had commited their matrixes to a pattern buffer shortly before and simply started the week over. Unfortunately, this was not enough to keep the band together and in 1997, the group broke up.



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