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	Message: : ---------------------------------------------- : I wrote this book review last year, and the thing keeping me from posting it : is I wanted to draw custom forum graphics to make this special. : They turned out like this: : : I also wanted to hack in Danheim's Floki's Last Journey playing in loop. : The reason I've been sitting on it so long is, since I'm not : Durandal_1707, being arsed to figure out how to do such sophisticated : hacking demanded a mental and motivational effort I wasn't really up to. I : thought I might be able to handle it after watching some javascript : tutorials... then kept putting it off. When March rolled around I thought, : maybe I'll do it for April Fool's day, since a hacked post would be in the : holiday spirit, and I went to try to contact Durandal_1707 to beg his : assistance with that, but this is the email address on his profile: : sorry@igetenoughspamalready.com : So getting him to write the hax javascript code by april fools wasn't : happening. So I kept sitting on it and, well, I give up now. I'm just : giving it to you like this. Maybe someone can figure it out and post a : reply with the banner graphics and appropriate color scheme? If not, : pretend this post looks cooler than the standard story forum html body. : -------------------------------------------------- : I'm taking up Durandal's challenge. I got Maria Dahvana Headley's translation : of Beowulf. : : : There is a long introduction from the author before we get to the story : proper. She saw a painting of Grendel's mom when she was a kid, looking : grotesque and badass, and fell in love with her. She was disappointed when : she read it and found out she's not the main character of the story, or : even the main villain, but the boss of the boring middle episode of a : trilogy. To make a long intro short, there have been a lot of attempts at : translating Beowulf from old English, which, itself, I suspect is a : butchered transcription of a vocal norse saga. If it was ever written down : as an edda, the world may never know. So she's saying she put a lot of : work into putting her spin on it for a modern audience, without making : grave sins against it's intended meaning. : We'll see about that. : But first, I watched the Beowulf Movie. Yes, that CGI one. : Spoilerific review: It's pretty awesome sauce and a legit telling on the big : screen, until we get to act 2. Mama Grendel's appearance was kept a : mystery and only vaguely hinted at, until Beowulf gets to her lair and the : story twists in a different direction. She's some kind of beautiful : temptress, and Beowulf falls for her promises of riches and power (and : sexual temptation obviously). She won't attack Denmark so long as she can : keep the golden horn or whatever it is. The thing some guy stole from the : dragon that made it attack. It's also strongly implied that Grendel was : Hrothgar's son, and the "dragon" is her child from Beowulf. The : pieces of this story have been taken apart and put back together to form : this new narrative. : What were they trying to do here, make Beowulf a flawed character, and give : mama grendel more prominence? This is the most sexist and clichéd way they : could have gone about that. I'm sure M.D. Headly was pissed they changed : the monstrous character she liked into another evil temptress that's been : done a million times before. And I never thought of Beowulf as needing : more character flaws, and not in this way. But the movie was so enjoyable : I didn't even care. : So without further ado, let's get to the story proper. : Lines 1-611: As much as I wanted to go into this being a big contrarian : sourpuss with a negativity bias and a confirmation bias, I have to admit, : this is the horrible blight on humanity that I feared. It's pretty good. : And what I mean by that is this: it's good, because it's Beowulf. MDH : didn't mutate it into an abomination of pop culture references. It's just : another translation of Beowulf, and I can tell that what modern spin she : tried to put on it was in the service of communicating the spirit of the : story she was translating, not to turn it into something that it is not. : The modern spin includes a few f-bombs and four-letter words thrown around : casually, and egregious repetition of the word "bro." Even : though I'm a huge prude and I very much want to argue that Beowulf and all : viking poetry should be faggy and pretentious, I'm not bothered by it. I'm : finding that the movie is more offensive than this book is! But I'm not : finished yet. : 612 — 626: I had high faith I'd leave this thread with a "tl;dr: it's : alright," but alas, I found a line of cringe. And I quote: No, no. My : word isn't good enough. I'm scanning this shit so nobody will say : "pics bro or it didn't happen." : : Up to this point, the language in this translation felt timeless, but this is : the first instance of a dated one liner. You might argue that all the : references to christianity were dated to the time this was written in Old : English. But Hashtag: Blessed? No sir, I don't like it. : 627 - 1202: Not much to mention here, except a flaming sword and the word : Brisings. Don't get the reference? *cough, cough, brisingr*. If you still : don't get it, take the word Dragon and replace the D with the next letter : in the alphabet. Yeah, I went there. I had to point it out. But on the : other hand, I can think of the Quietus from Hexen as a nod to this old : english norse poem. Oh, and Hrothgar sleeps in a second hall full of maids : every night and gets up and walks over to the mead hall every day. I used : to think the king, his queen, his thralls, and his, uh, harem all slept, : drank, and partied in one hall. : Line 1210: MDH calls viking treasure bling. Again, I quote Mr. Horse: No : sir, I don't like it. : On page 64 there's a qualifying statement at the part where Unferth gives : Beowulf his sword. : "Note: [...]" (Yes, it starts with the word Note and the colon.) : It seems like this should be a paranthetical statement or one of those notes : at the bottom of the page with an asterix, but it's part of the text. It's : perfectly readable, but it sticks out because I've been conditioned to : those things being asides that you mentally separate from the body of the : text. : Then the fight with Beowulf and Grendel's mom happens. It's written in MDH's : dudebro style, but it's what's supposed to happen. One point to MDH. Zero : points for the movie. : 2312-2313 — "The dragon swooped low and spat flame, desroying both manor : and hovel, scrawling red RSVPs in the sky." Ugh. : And now, to whoever did the screenwriting and directing of the Beowulf movie, : I urge you to read this: 2369-2390 — "Hygd tried to quicken him with : the throne, offering him gold, gemstones, a potent position, a life less : lonely. Her own sons she didn't trust to govern, to keep borders trussed : against deploying hordes, now his daddy was dead. She couldn't convince : Beowulf to step over Heardred, nor consent to come to her bed, but instead : he offered his counsel to the boy-king, until he was man enough to rule : the Weder-Geats himself. : Soon thereafter, exiles appeared over the salt-highway, Ohthere's sons, who'd : raised a coup against their old wave-king, Onela. He was the ruler of the : Scylfings, had given gold from his kingdom seat, was master of their : mead-hall. Heedless, Heardred received the refugees, and traded his life : for it, his reception paid in regrets. A fatal flash of Onela's sword, and : Hygelac's line was ended. The Swede-king, satisfied, set off to the briny : boulevard, and Beowulf, bereaved, ascended the Geat-throne, in grief, : never surrendering his reluctance to become the ruler. That was a good : king." : This isn't an addition by MDH. That's canon. And this is what's wrong with : the movie. The change they made to the plot goes completely against his : character. Sure, he's mostly a blank slate hero, but I remember in other : translations I read they made a point of him not having any heirs. I read : him as an asexual character; and this affirms he would never do what he : did in that movie. He took that sword in the lair and cut her down like : the monster she is. : 2402 — "By then he found the smoking gun, the embezzlement that'd stoked : the dragon's rage." This is referring to that cup that was stolen : from the dragon's lair. MDH is using the concept of a Chekhov's gun as a : metaphor here, which is something only literary nerds (or everyone on the : internet) would get. But it's also a weird choice of metaphor because the : thing is a literal checkhov's-gun plot device (but not a literal gun). : 3180-3182 — "Here he is now! Here our best boy lies! He rode hard! He : stayed thirsty? He was the man! He was the man." : He sure was. : Conclusion: I went into this expecting to be mostly negative, but I ended up : ranting about the CGI movie adaptation than MDH's effort. She may be : writing it in her own words, but it's still Beowulf, with a new style. : And now I'm interested in translations of Beowulf as a genre. It's kind of : like those animation collab videos, where a bunch of artists take the : audio of a cartoon and draw all the scenes in a bunch of different art : styles. The Beowulf translators were way ahead of the curve on that trend. : And Pfh*** hollywood, disney, the brothers grimm, illumination, or whoever : you want to blame for taking classic stories and feeding tainted versions : of them to mainstream audiences. : PS: Why did the forum's font change?
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