Re: Lots of stories


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Re: Lots of stories

Posted By: chiasaur11 Date: 11/20/10 9:21 p.m.
In Response To: Lots of stories (Destiny)

You want criticism?
Takes guts to put stuff in public. Cheers on that.
But there are... flaws. Lot of them.
Paragraph breaks would improve the flow, for a start, make it easier to read.
Second thing? The narrative voice jumps about. Again, a bit awkward, could be dealt with.
And there are a number of other things, but that seems a start.

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Lots of stories Destiny 11/16/10 3:04 p.m.

Re: Lots of stories chiasaur11 11/20/10 9:21 p.m.

Re: Lots of stories Destiny 11/22/10 6:22 a.m.

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Pre-2004 Posts

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: You want criticism? : Takes guts to put stuff in public. Cheers on that. : But there are... flaws. Lot of them. : Paragraph breaks would improve the flow, for a start, make it easier to read. : Second thing? The narrative voice jumps about. Again, a bit awkward, could be : dealt with. : And there are a number of other things, but that seems a start.

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Lots of stories	Destiny	11/16/10 3:04 p.m.
Re: Lots of stories	chiasaur11	11/20/10 9:21 p.m.
Re: Lots of stories	Destiny	11/22/10 6:22 a.m.



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	Message: : You want criticism? : Takes guts to put stuff in public. Cheers on that. : But there are... flaws. Lot of them. : Paragraph breaks would improve the flow, for a start, make it easier to read. : Second thing? The narrative voice jumps about. Again, a bit awkward, could be : dealt with. : And there are a number of other things, but that seems a start.
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