/-/S'pht-Translator-Active/-/ |
Re: chapter 4 terminal needing editing | ||
Posted By: patrick | Date: 12/22/07 10:38 p.m. | |
In Response To: Re: chapter 4 terminal needing editing (patrick) Dread Not, poly 864 Several places need attention. As ever all text is quoted as it currently stands. First- -Even the Nahk revolt was tame compared to the revolution which brought the once-unchallenged Pfhor empire to it's knees for the first time in their history. Same error further on- -So I am going to beam us and the Drinniol onto the Pfhor flagship. It has returned from it's safe distance, to see that all has been destroyed. Again- -If you would aid them in it's capture, we can then be on our way. In addition to de-apostrophying the possessive its(s) I'd also suggest giving the whole terminal text a onceover with an eye to tightening up the use of commas. I find the liberal use of commas, while not necessarily grammatically incorrect, aesthetically displeasing as a reader. Your mileage may vary.
|
|
Replies: |
|
Problems? Suggestions? Comments? Email maintainer@bungie.org Marathon's Story Forum is maintained with WebBBS 5.12. |