Okay, so there are three guys who die and go to heaven. They approach the gate. Then a saint comes up to them and says, "Okay, now that you guys are in heaven, you'll be given a vehicle, its quality depending on how honest you were to your spouse." So the first one comes up. He was entirely honest, and never slept with another woman. He got a highly advanced sportscar. Then the second person comes up. He slept with a woman a couple times. He got a crappy, beat up old car. The third person approaches. He was barely honest at all, and might as well have been a lady's man. He was given a bike. So they all took off with their vehicles. Then, the person in the crappy car and the person with the bike saw the guy with the excellent car crying. They walked up to him and asked, "Dude, why are you so sad? We are in this great place, you have a cool car, so much else could go right. Why are you sad?"
Sobbing, the man with the great car said "I saw my wife go by on roller blades."
Here's another one (this was in fact based on a foxtrot joke). There are two brothers. One is probably about 16, the other is 10. So the 10-year-old (let's call him John) is watching the 16yo (let's call him Ernie) play Tomb Raider. John says, "How can you stand this lousy game? I couldn't stand a game starring a girl!" Ernie, in response, says "She's not just any girl, John. Check out those bazookas." John, misunderstanding, says, "Doofus, she's holding two PISTOLS."
Here's another one. It is said that during the time that NASA began sending astronauts into space, they found out that ball point pens didn't work in zero gravity. So NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion just to create a pen that is able to write in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 degrees. Boy, you'd think it'd be easier.
It is. The Russians used a pencil for that. Enjoy paying your taxes.
HA HA HA! I'm outta here.
